Because it was there when he leaned into me after an elaborate dinner party with guests from Millton. Shaken, I had slipped off to process the news that my brother had gone missing.
Cyrus met me there and pulled me into an embrace as I tried not to crack under the immense weight of panic and fear. He brushed a hand down my hair. Whispered that he’d dismiss me, if I needed to go back to Millton. To find out where my brother was.
And I did. I left.
That was a year ago.
The emotions swarm me, and I’m forced to relive them again for the first time.
The reflection room door opens, and Cyrus slips out. Looking ever sharp and collected. He walks straight to Devin, and the two of them bend their heads together in conversation before Devin lifts and gestures to his guards.
The dinner bell rings off in the room where Lady Bethany is, and the hushed conversations and music about the space fall quiet as we all turn to her. But I don’t miss Lyra slipping out from the reflection room.
“Girls, the time has come. King Cyrus will now choose who shall move on to the coming weeks, and who shall return home. Please, fan out here, shoulder-to-shoulder.”
Heart thundering, I rise with the rest of the women and make my way over to Lady Bethany. Lining up as she instructed, Lyra slips in to my right and Aelia on my left. Our numbers are smaller than what we started with. At least three women are still in the infirmary. WhileLyra’s made a decent recovery, Moe is still there with broken toes. Earlier, I overheard Willow explaining to Aelia that the medication would take longer to heal her bones since her injury affected bones, muscles, skin, and nerves. Apparently Lyra’s burns healed quicker given the fact her injury only affected the muscles and skin.
It should make me feel a little less guilty that she saved me. But it doesn’t.
The three women who died today should also be some sort of comfort to me, knowing it’s reducing the number of suspects I’ll need to consider.
But it doesn’t.
How it doesn’t, when I’ve been trained for death and pain all my life, is a mystery to me.
Cyrus takes a stand in front of us where a grand piano is near the instruments the quartet was playing earlier. On the bench seat is a vase. Tall and gleaming white porcelain, tipped with edges of gold. Sprouting from it are bunches of stunning blue roses.
But not nearly enough for all of us. There are twenty-three of us standing here.
The way he avoids eye contact, looking at everyone but me, solidifies one thing.
I’m going home.
I know it. Perhaps over the last year I’ve lost my edge. The imprisonment of my brother has rendered me weak. Maybe somewhere along the way I lost my ability to keep my feelings and work separate. Something about that day when my brother went missing changed me. And now, I’m afraid I can never go back.
That’s why I feel guilty.
That’s why I feelangry.
Lady Bethany calls out, “Girls, King Cyrus will call forth the women he wishes to keep here. Those who don’t receive a blue rose will have their memories wiped once more, and be immediately escorted out of the castle to return to their towns.” Then, she steps back away from our view.
Not even a single night to rest after a challenging trial?I roll my jaw to wave off the tension collecting there. Unable to stop myself, I slide my glare to the man responsible for such a quick dismissal. Devin, who’s looking as stoic as ever.
What a wet sock.
Cyrus drops his gaze to the floor, eyebrows pinched as he draws a single rose from the vase. Twisting it in his white-gloved fingers, he stares down at the beautiful flower.
“Aelia,” he calls ruefully.
Aelia steps forward and takes the rose, bowing before him, then taking her spot back beside me. Then he calls Lyra. One by one, he summons each woman to accept the rose. Even calls for Moe in the infirmary, and Lady Bethany takes a rose for her.
I keep my chin held high as the flowers in the vase begin to dwindle.
He grabs the last one, then looks up at me. The rest of the room fades away as the question lingers between us.
Do I stay?
If I want out, the only way I can is if he dismisses me. This would be the night, the moment.
