She turns her face back to me, her voice soft, “No.”
Fighting against the burning in my chest, the smile wanting to lift my cheeks, I divert the conversation to something more important. “Why did you fight that guard?”
Here comes her fire again, jaw clenching and muscles tightening. “He’s been insulting me. Claiming that a woman has no place in the guard. That our monthly afflictions should be enough to disqualify us from any position within the Close Circle. That I shouldn’t be wasting my mouth speaking useless thoughts, but on my knees being gagged on a man’s pleasure. And—” her breath comes out in a quick puff, “—the fact that once we’re with child, we’re essentially useless. In which case, he’s adamant he’ll break into my room and cause such an obstruction for me later tonight, whether or not I let him.”
I launch off the wall and race to the door, and then she’s grabbing me. “Stop.”
Anger pulses through my blood like fire ready to unfurl. Cresting in me hard enough that I’m clenching my teeth to not shake. “The only thing breaking tonight is his jaw for saying something like that to you.”
“Look at me,” she hisses, tugging my arm hard.
Finally, I tear my eyes off the door and face her. Gods, the control she already has over me. Though I can’t help the exaggerated breath in my chest, the fury burning painfully inside me.
Shaking her head, her eyes search mine. “If he knows I’ve told you, it’ll only make me look weak. It’ll only prove his point.”
“Then anyone else to agree with his so-called point will get their head put through a wall?—”
“I said no!” she snaps.
My nostrils flare as I struggle to contain my overwhelming emotions. “What do you suggest I do then?”
“Nothing. Just…don’t send me home. I can’t handle facing my father if I’m dishonorably discharged.”
My chest shakes with a small laugh. “You’re joking, right?” When her expression doesn’t change, I take a deep breath and continue on a serious note, “Marcella, no man should ever speak to a woman like that. And the fact that he’s been belittling you, on top of in a public space threatening you, your career, and your body, is enough for me to forgive you for breaking code. But even more than that, even aside from this situation, you are byfarthe most skilled guard I have. Devin has been breathing down my neck in hopes of being promoted to General since my last one took leave. And I’ve been working very hard to secure that spot for you, instead. Some of the council has…similar concerns. They’re as old in their ways as their age.”
She snorts at my brazenness, but I continue, “But even before I laid you down, before I touched your lips, you had far exceeded every one of my expectations. As King, and brushing aside my own affections for you, the position is yours. So please, don’t let our moment from the other day cloud your idea of what’s important to me. I don’t tolerate discrimination in my court. And if it were the other way around—if you’d said what had been said to you—I’d deal with you in the exact same way.”
I pull out of her grasp and reach for the door once more.
But she grabs my coat fervently and turns me until she’s crashing me up against the door. She’s strong. Well trained, and it shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. Because she leans up, pulling me down to meet her in a sweet kiss.
I melt into her mouth, trying not to groan at the softness I’ve craved for days. And yet…
I pull away, putting distance between us by holding her shoulders and gently forcing us apart. “This changes nothing, Marcella. I won’t tolerate his behavior.”
“Let me change your mind. Please,” she begs. Then between eachplease, she kisses my neck higher and higher. “Please. Please, please, please.”
“I can’t. I can’t do this. That?” I motion over to the desk. “That was wrong of me, and I should never have taken advantage of you like that?—”
“You weren’t taking advantage.” She strokes my jaw. “I’m tired of having this same conversation over and over. I wanted it then…just as I do now…” Her eyes float down to my mouth.
I clear my throat, forcing a firmness into my tone. “As the King offering you the position of my General, I cannot rightfully be intimate with you. Not anymore, not again.”
Then she’s kissing on my jaw, working me into a frenzy.
“Marcella,” I growl, slipping further and further into her touch. “I can’t.”
“No one has to know,” she whispers on my skin.
“It doesn’t matter. And I shouldn’t risk lying with you and possibly?—”
“Shh,” she murmurs against my throat. Somehow walking me back until I plop into the armchair. “There’ll be no children. I’m barren.”
Her admission sinks my heart for her. But I don’t have much time to consider it as she leans over me and begins to stroke my length from outside my pants. Her lips crash against mine, desperate.
My desire, my duty, and anger are all at war with each other. As her mouth opens, prodding my lips with her tongue, I grab her hand stroking me. Then I pull back off the kiss, shaking my head as I remove her hand from me and guide her back so I can stand. “I’m not doing this tonight. Not until that guard is taken care of.”
“I said I can handle it myself!” she snaps back.
