Even when all I can think about is the next time, if ever, I’ll feel his hands at my waist, his thumb hooked beneath my chin, his lips desperate for mine…
“Miss Hawkins.”
Of course.Ansaldo knocks on my half-closed door and pushes it open without waiting for an answer. He does leave it open, though. A small consolation.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this private meeting, Ansaldo?”
He grimaces. “I wanted to let you know I’ve sent a telegram to your nonna; she knows you’re here and you’re safe.”
I place my hands behind my back and clench them together. “I used to think those two things could be synonymous, but I’ve been here long enough to no longer believe that to be true.”
Ansaldo squints, crinkling the olive skin around his beady eyes. “Well, whatever you choose to believe or not believe, I don’t particularly care. I’ve done as Lucia asked and taken you in. And now I’m afraid there’s nothing left to do but initiate you into the order.”
I clench my jaw. “And there’s no way around it? It’s still join or die?”
Ansaldo purses his lips. “Essentially, yes.”
“Don’t mince words with me, Ansaldo: it either is or it isn’t. Can I walk out of here, free and clear and alive, without eventually having to join the order?”
He holds my gaze. “No, you cannot.”
Something in me collapses hearing it confirmed aloud.
I score my features. “There. Doesn’t it make you feel better to tell the truth for once?”
He ignores me. “I’m going to give you a week. Once that week is up, youwillbecome a member of the Order of Cavendi. Is that understood?”
I swallow my pride just to get him to leave. “Understood, sir.”
He takes the bait, inclining his head as if he respects me and then retreating. I wait a moment before peering down the hall to make sure he’s gone so he doesn’t follow me. I’m not sure how I’m going to find the weapons room, but I’m guessing it’s wherever Bes ran off to.
Once I lock my door, I start down the hallway, finding Kali of all people talking to a large, burly gentleman—perhaps one of the Valtivar by the looks of him. He leaves before I can say hello, throwing a glare my way for good measure.
Seeing me, she pushes off the wall, matching my pace.
“I heard about what happened earlier, with the blood oath. Ansaldo is a piece of work.”
I snort. “He’s a piece of something alright. But I chose to take the blood oath; he wouldn’t let me live without it.”
“You’re right about that.” She eyes me with interest. “It’s nice to find another like-minded person.”
I eye her in confusion.
“I mean, it’s nice to not be the only cynic. The level of blind devotion here is astounding.”
My brow crinkles. “I don’t understand. Did the order force you to join?”
“No, I wanted to.” Her expression falls. “But even before my initiation a couple months ago…”
So, Kali hasn’t been here long either.“Go on.”
She nibbles at her lower lip. “Nothing prepares you for what it feels like—to have the power of the gods living and breathing inside you. For all the voices flying around in your head that aren’t yours. The order teaches you to control them, of course, and I’ve already gotten better. But…” She stares at the worn leather bracelet on her right wrist. “I’m not sure it’s what I want anymore.”
“So quick to shift your loyalties.” And I don’t mean it in a bad way. In my opinion, a person’s loyalty should be, first and foremost, to themselves.
She pushes a dark, errant hair back from her face. “You’ll see. Once you’re initiated, you’ll understand.”
My mouth drops open. “How did you—”
