The pause afterwards is heavy, filling the room with uncertainty. I have no idea how they’re going to react, but at least they’re not saying no outright.
“Why?” Bes asks finally.
“Because I’m done allowing the order to control my life. That’s all they’ve done since before I left the States, and I want”—I shake my head—“no, Ineedto feel in control again. To prove that I’m worth something beyond what the order thinks of me.”
Bes scoffs. “So, because you need to feel in control, you’re asking us to defy Ansaldo’s orders, commandeer an official order vehicle to drive into a foreign country, and confront a man who’s likely to be, at the very least, a Nazi apologist.”
I glance between them. “Gurlitt might also know more about the Amulet of Amun than the books in the Archive can tell us. But, yes, that’s what I’m saying.”
Bes narrows his gaze. “You’re willing to risk your life to learn more about the Amulet of Amun?”
I sniff. “You would too if your fate has been entwined with it for the past week because the Third Reich wants it badly enough to kill for it.”
He glances away, flexing his jaw.
“Do you at least have a plan?” he asks between gritted teeth.
“No,” I admit. “I’ll need your help with that.”
Bes scoffs.
“Strong possibility of death, complete lack of a plan.” Cec grins. “When can we leave?”
Bes glares at him. “You’ll do anything to anger your father, won’t you?”
Cec scoffs. “As if you don’t want to rile him up as well.”
“I’m going with or without you,” I cut in.
I uncross my arms, hating that I’m about to plead with Bes, to be vulnerable with him again.
“Please. We cannot allow Gurlitt to get away without finding out if he knows where the Arma Christi are, if there’s more to the amulet. And I need to prove to Ansaldo I can leave this place without pledging myself to the order. So I at least have the illusion of choice, and then perhaps… perhaps he’ll give me one.”
Bes opens his mouth to say something then closes it, dark brown eyes analyzing me to see if I’m telling the truth or not.
“Fine,” he says finally, and a weight lifts off my chest. I didn’t know until now how much I wanted—needed—his support. “If we’re going to do this, we need to do it right and get fitted for weaponry.” He glances at his watch. “We’ll leave tomorrow morning at o’-six-hundred hours.”
They both turn to leave, but I stop them before they do. “I think we should bring in Anders. We wouldn’t have figured out the amulet without him, and I trust him.”
“Despite what I told you?” Cec asks. “That he might be a spy?”
Honestly, after all he did to help us with the amulet, I nearly forgot about it.
“LikeItoldyou, I truly don’t think he’s the spy. But, as you said, enemies closer and all that.”
Bes scoffs. “Barring that frightening possibility, you want to bring someone else in on this insanity?”
“You wouldn’t have said yes if you thought it insane,” I argue. “Maybe Anders will agree with you.”
“Leave it to me.” Cec exits the room to find him, leaving Bes and I alone.
In the silence, Bes runs a hand through his hair, refusing to meet my eyes. “You’re right, we need more people in on this that we can trust. I’ll find Kali and Mara, fabricate an excuse. They’ll need to leave today, undetected. Kali can be trusted withreconnaissance at the very least, and Mara loves any opportunity to defy Ansaldo.”
I can’t help smiling a little.Maybe Mara’s not so bad after all.
Before I can thank him, Bes bolts out of the room like he’s being chased by a vengeful spirit. An ache sprouts in my chest as he disappears around the corner and, not for the first time, I feel awful for treating him the way I did.
I don’t, however, feel like apologizing for it yet.
