“We didn’t. I swear we didn’t,” Bes assures me, desperation saturating his words.
“We never would’ve followed my father’s orders to lie to you if we knew, Hawkins,” Cec claims at my other side.
Bes’s fingers brush against the back of my hand. “And we certainly would’ve never brought you here. I was under the assumption that you’d be safer here than anywhere else. None of our enemies have found us in this place, including the God Men, and I thought if I could get you here, then you’d be safe. If I’d known Ansaldo would force you to join, I would’ve found another way. And I’m sorry for it.”
I stop in the middle of the hall, trying to catch my breath. “I believe you, truly. But I need one moment to myself. To sift through all this.”
Cec bows his head and leaves without another word. Bes lingers, brow furrowed, until he does the same.
Once they’re gone, I head straight to my room. Slamming the door closed, I lay on my back on top of the covers, staring up the ceiling. I try to sift through my emotions. After all I just heard, I don’t even know where to begin.
Well, you wanted answers to your questions, I remind myself. I couldn’t have predicted most of what Ansaldo told me. My mother? My ancestors? My nonna? All fully initiated members of the order, a group I had no idea existed until yesterday evening.
I swallow hard. I never knew my mother, have not one single memory of her. But the pain and suffering she endured at the hands of the order, the reason she defied them and started a new life without their knowledge, has been branded into my mind now. There’s a reason she tried to defect, a reason she ran.
Whether Ansaldo manages to force me into the order or not, I won’t let what happened to her happen to me.
My nonna…All my life, she’s lied to me. Logically, I understand there were certain things she literally couldn’t tell me. On the other hand, some of the lies she told me weren’t protected under the blood oath. Did she not want me asking questions? Who is she to make that decision for me?
I close my eyes, tears leaking out the sides and falling down my temples. Yes, nonna should’ve been more honest with me, and I hope I live long enough to yell at her for it the next time I see her. The only reason she involved Ansaldo in the first place, though, is because she was worried for me. She knew that the order not only had the resources to protect me, but also had amoral obligation to do so. What she didn’t know is that the order had other plans.
And Bes and Cec have shown me time and time again that they care about my safety, and not just because they were ordered to. The moment I got in the car with Bes outside the temple, he could’ve bound and gagged me and forced me to come here. Instead, he treated me like an equal, someone with choices. No one in league with Ansaldo’s true purpose would’ve allowed that.
The true villain here is Ansaldo Giudice.
The only thing I know for certain is that Iwillhave to take that blood oath if I ever want to see the sun again.
Ifall into a sparring stance across from Cec. “You’re awfully quiet, Cecilio.”
“Mm,” he hums in response, milky gaze downcast.
I let the tip of my practice sword tap the ground, crouching slightly to peer into his blank gaze. “I’m thinking about stripping down and skipping through the halls in nothing but my boots.”
His tone remains quiet, distracted. “That’s nice.”
I stare at him. “This is troubling. I’m troubled.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Apologies, Hawkins. Despite the enticing image you provided, I’m a little preoccupied.”
“With what we spoke about this morning?” I murmur. “About Anders?”
He gives me a small smile. “No, I’ve made my peace with that. I’m preoccupied with coming to the realization that my father is the monster I always thought him to be but refused to do anything about.”
“Ah.” I approach Cec, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve all been there. I still haven’t gotten over the monster my ownfather turned out to be. Or that my nonna has been lying to me all these years.”
I wince, the revelation still fresh. Even after deciding Ansaldo’s the true villain in all this, I sat for a long time in my room. Someone—either Bes or Cec, or both—tried knocking once, but I ignored them.
In truth, I’m mad at myself as well. I knew something wasn’t quite right about my nonna involving Ansaldo. Or, as I knew him for the entirety of my expedition, Uncle Arturo. The signs began piling up, first with Ailsa, then the man at Gino’s, even Francesca, and especially the Maestro at the club. All these people with secrets connected to the man who Nonna asked to help me.
Even when I learned his true name, I thought it was only about Ansaldo pretending to be someone he wasn’t to my nonna. Without even realizing it, I’d absolved her of all guilt by association. It hadn’t occurred to me that she would lie to me at all, much less lie to me my entire life, blood oath or no blood oath.
Cec shakes his head. “The thing is, I’ve always known him to be a bloody knob. I was simply too stubborn to admit it to myself.”
A cutting insult.
“Believe me, I can relate.”
Just then, someone enters through the heavy wooden doors to the training room. I glance over his shoulder, finding a man of average height and build, with snow-white hair.Still no Bes.Not that I expect him to show up, but a part of me wishes it all the same, considering coming here was his suggestion.
