"What are you saying?" Oz hissed.
"I'm saying… I want to explore that," Logan replied. "Explorethis, with you, out loud. That I'm tired of hiding in our room and sneaking around. It's fuckingexhausting. And if you don't want a relationship, if you're aro like Eli or something, then… Fine. You're tutoring me, right? This is like with my classes. I don't know any of this gay stuff. But — I'd like to. And I like learning it from you."
"Shut up," Oz hissed, yanking his hands out of Logan's grip. "You haven't thought this through."
"Oz, I'm serious." Logan sighed. "I've thought about this a lot. This… I'm ready."
"No, you aren't," Oz snapped as he yanked the sneakers off his feet roughly. "You're not… You're just enjoying the sex. Pavlovian, like you said. Probably imagining me with breasts and a vagina the whole time."
"I'm not!" Logan protested as Oz stood abruptly. "Hey, Oz, c'mon. Come back here."
"No. I need to think. And don't fucking follow me either," Oz ordered, already toeing on his wet shower clogs and angling for the door. "Can have you any way I want, right? Well, I want you right there, studying. The entire night."
"Oz, you can't be serious." Logan rolled his eyes. "Where are you even going?"
"I'm going out. And you don't get to know where."
"Oz!"
"Don't wait up, Logan." The door slammed behind him.
Logan stared after him, feeling hollow.
He looked around for his phone, scrolling to where Oz had added Eli's number to Logan's contacts for him during the ride-share trip home that night after the club.
"In case of gay-mergencies," Oz had laughed at the time, his face bathed in the phone screen's light.
Not sure this is what he had in mind.
Hey
Sorry, but
I think I fucked things up with Oz somehow
He won't listen to me
I'm worried he's going to do something stupid
Or someone, Logan huffed, the memory of Brett's jeering face at the club bubbling up in his memory.
[Eli]:
Oz overthinks things
But he's the smartest guy I know
After me, of course
Give him time to work it through
Easy for him to say
If he could turn back the past hour, Logan would — new sneakers and all. He'd only … Of all people, Logan had thought Oz would understand. Would roll his eyes and say, 'Finally!' upon hearing Logan was finally willing to willing to admit that… all this? Everything they'd been doing together the last few months? The way Logan wasn't merely a present participant anymore, but an enthusiastic, even voluntary partner?
But Oz had made it clear from the start that what they were doing was nothing more than a casual arrangement. They both had. And just because Logan was interested in more, had read more into the situation, had hoped maybe their bargain could form the basis of something like a real relationship…
What a dumbass he'd been.
