Sweet.
Hands graze but don’t press.
Tongues slide but don’t demand.
My blood heats, but it’s more lazy warmth than searing—like a glass of red wine compared to the burn of whiskey. I get it now—those moments in movies when two people kiss and the music soars around them. There’s no music playing, but I hear it. It’s in the blood drumming in my ears. In the quiet need whispering between us.
My trembling hands slide up his neck, dust over his light stubble. Jed draws back but doesn’t leave me. His forehead rests against mine, his warm, shaky breaths puffing over my skin. I squeeze my eyes shut, try to keep myself steady when in reality I’m free-falling. I don’t understand what I’m feeling right now. It’s nothing I’ve ever felt before. It’s too big.
Bigger than me. Bigger than him.
“That was…different,” I whisper against his lips.
Hands cradle my face, gently pull me back until our gazes lock. “Yeah, Sunshine, it was.”
I swallow hard. “Good different.”
Those dark irises search mine. “Good different.”
I turn toward the TV and slide down. Jed moves with me, making space until I’m nestled in his arms like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Okay,” I say, my voice still a bit unsteady. “Awesome. Good.”
Jed’s deep chuckle rumbles against my back. “You all right over there?”
I link my hand with his, and when he squeezes, I feel it in my chest, right around that lonely organ beating a shaky pulse. I don’t think I ever realized until this moment…how much I’ve always craved being held.
“Yeah, JJ…I’m really fucking all right.”
We’re both quiet, the only sound the low volume of the TV.
“That’s what my dad used to call me,” Jed finally says into the quiet.
I twist toward him, eyes wide. “Shit. I’m sorry. Should I not call you that? Oh, God. I feel like such an ass. I’ve been tossing that out. I don’t want to overstep?—”
He cuts me off with the press of his finger to my lips. “I like that you use it,” he says, voice tight. “It was his. But it feels right that it’s yours now.”
I blink furiously against the burn behind my eyes. Oh. I nod because there’s no way words are making it past my clogged throat. I wish I could tell him what an honor it is to be the one to call him that now. If I can give him anything,even the smallest glimmer of light after what this world took from him, I’ll die a happy man.
My hands slide up to cradle his head, and I press my lips to his in a hard kiss. I hold him there, our mouths unmoving but no less heavy with meaning. I’m not capable of more, even a simple brushing of lips would be too much. I feel like I’m seconds from breaking, and I don’t even understand why.
I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know when it happened.
He pulls away, the both of us panting.
“Jed…?” I say hesitantly.
What does this mean? How do we move forward? But most of all. Does he feel it too?
“Yeah, Sunshine.” His breath hitches. “I feel it too.”
It’s not all the answers I need, but it’s the most important one for right now. I sink back into his arms, and Jed kisses the back of my head.
We stay like that well past midnight, laughing and commenting on the show until we’ve finished the entire first season. We have to be at the stadium pretty early tomorrow morning, but in silent agreement, we both decide we don’t care about the lack of sleep.
And once the final credits roll, I take Jed’s hand and wordlessly lead him to my room, where we settle in for the night.
Jed’s steady warmth at my back.
