Our ragged breaths slice through the blood thrumming in my ears. My fingers sink into him, hold him closer, but we don’t pick up our pace. We don’t need to. This isn’t frantic. It’s not grasping. We don’t need to reach for it; it’s coming to us. My body buzzes, pleasure easing in, sweeping over me. My breath hitches, and Jed’s hips fall out of rhythm.
“Shane?” he rasps, a plea running through the word.
I nod. I’m right there too. I open my mouth to let him know, but I’m too late.
Pleasure surges in. My head falls back, a silent moan catching in my throat. It spreads through me, curling inside me and spiraling outward. Just when I don’t think I can handle the overwhelming pressure anymore, I erupt between us. Jed shakes, his head dropping, lips dragging down my cheek as a deep moan rumbles from him, sinking into my skin. He shudders, following me over the edge as the warmth of his release joins mine.
He collapses atop me, choppy breaths puffing over my ear. I glide my hands up his back, over those strong muscles, digging into those thick traps. I wish I could fuse us together.
It’s not until our breaths even out, until our heartbeats settle into a hushed, soft rhythm, that Jed pushes up. I reach for him, a whimper escaping me. He shoots me a gentle smile, one that promises he’s not going anywhere. He quickly wipes us off with the sheet before settling back over me.
He hovers there, staring down at me. “I missed you,” he whispers.
I nod, biting my lip hard as I fight the storm of emotion rushing at me.
“I missed you too.” The words barely make it past my closing throat. But I force a few more. “I’m so sorry, JJ.”
He shakes his head and drops his forehead against mine. “No, Sunshine. Don’t ever apologize for feeling. For hurting.”
“I—” My voice breaks. “I shouldn’t have cut you out. I-I shouldn’t have spent that night flirting with that woman.”
He stares down at me, and there’s not an ounce ofresentment in that warm espresso gaze. Only understanding. Empathy.
“I won’t lie and say it didn’t hurt,” he whispers. “But, Shane, I understand, okay? Life isn’t simple for us. We don’t get to just walk out the door and love a man. Not without judgment. Not without disapproval. I will never be upset with you for struggling with that. The only people who deserve our anger are those who have made it so we have to struggle with that at all.”
I swallow hard against the blockage that’s formed in my throat, but fuck-all good it does. “I don’t know why, but when I had to be strong for myself…it felt insurmountable. Every day was a battle, and where my head went…it was terrifying.”
Jed clutches me tightly, and I try to tell him with my gaze that I’m okay now, that I survived that dark place.
“The minute I needed to be strong for you…” I whisper. “It was so fucking easy, JJ. There’s nothing in this world I couldn’t tackle to be there for you, to keep you safe.”
Those brown eyes go so damn soft, and I just want to stay here forever, basking in the fact that, for some reason I’ll never understand, I’m the reason this stoic, hard man melts.
He brushes a small kiss on my nose. “If you saw yourself the way I see you, Shane, you’d never have trouble showing up for yourself. It’s a shame it’s so hard for us to see ourselves the way our loved ones do.”
“Minds are kind of fucked.”
Jed chuckles. “That they are.”
Our laughter drifts off to silence, and I clear my throat. “I want you to know something.” I grip his face, fingers sinking into his jawline. “I was never going to act on it, the flirting in the bar. I was lost and desperately trying toreclaim the version of myself the world would accept. Putting on a show. That’s all it was—a show. And that’s only because underneath it all I was terrified by one simple fact.”
He searches my eyes and waits.
“I couldn’t—can’t—imagine ever sharing this with someone other than you ever again.” I let out a shaky breath as my heart takes off like a runner stealing in my chest. It’s terrifying. To be vulnerable. To let go of my walls and just hope. Hope he’ll stay. “Man or woman. Just you. I just want you.”
“Sunshine.” The unsteady word is so faint it barely surfaces.
I pull him down and kiss him. Try to breathe through the emotion closing in around us. Hide in his kiss.
Finally, Jed draws back. “I’m scared too.” His fingers tighten on me. “Of the enormity of what this is.” He swallows hard. “It’s terrifying to love someone again, knowing the loss I do.”
My lips tremble, and a tear leaks out of the corner of my eye. I slam my eyes shut and let out a quivering breath.Damnit. Hold yourself together, Shane.At least enough to form the words. To tell him. I open my mouth, but nothing surfaces.
His lips turn up softly, and a glimmer of amusement reflects back at me. I yank him down to me, burying his head in my neck. The tears fall, and there’s no stopping them. He huffs a laugh into my shoulder.
“Sh-shut up.” My choppy, watery words only pull another deep chuckle from him.
I don’t understand. I just want to tell this man that I fucking love him. Why am I crying? This is so ridiculous.
