I send him a lopsided smile. “You’re fine, Cowboy. I shouldn’t sleep the day away anyhow.” I shuffle up and lean against my headboard. I’m still working on recovering from the copious amounts of alcohol I drank last night. Not my shining moment.
East walks in and sits on the end of my bed. He picks at my comforter. “It’s good to hear you talking again,” he whispers. His gaze flicks up. “And see a bit of a smile.”
It’s my turn to drop my gaze. “I’m sorry.” My words are so faint, they’re barely audible. “I’m sorry I made you guys worry.”
He shakes his head and cuffs my foot. “No, man. The last thing you need to do is apologize. It was just hard feeling like there was nothing we could do to help you. Thank God Stone had the sense to ask your mom to come up.”
I bite my cheek. I hadn’t realized he’d asked Mom to come. My alcohol-clogged brain still isn’t at full working capacity. I guess I thought she’d just appeared because of her spidey Mom senses. Of course, that doesn’t make any sense. Of course, Jed called her, once again knowing what I needed.
“He’s pretty amazing,” I whisper.
“Yeah, he is. He’s so gone for you, Shane.” His brows lift, and he sends me a smile. “Rightfully so.”
My stomach tightens. I must give something away in my face because Easton’s smile falters.
“Do you want to talk about it? Any of it. I know you got lost inside yourself for a bit there, but I’m here. Iwantto be here.” He pulls a leg up onto my bed so he can face me better. “Maybe I can take a turn and give you some really great and eloquent advice. You know…about love stank and all that.”
I chuckle softly. That conversation in his car might have been nearly three years ago, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. He’s right, though. I don’t really talk things out. Paulie and East are the first people I’ve had in my life who I can go to if I need someone. And I want to be more comfortable opening up to them. I need to be.
The past few days…that wasn’t totally new for me. It was the worst I’ve been in a long time, but sometimes when things get too heavy, I disappear. Even from myself. I detach. Disassociate. Because reality is too painful to bear.
I draw in a shaky breath. “I’m scared,” I whisper.
Easton rests a hand on my calf and squeezes. “Of what?”
I close my eyes. “Of everything, East. Of fucking everything. I’m afraid I’m not enough. I’m afraid I don’t have anything to offer, not something truly of substance. I’m afraid he’ll realize I’m a fun time that gets old quick. That he’ll come to his senses and leave.” My voice breaks, and I glance away. Urgh. Fuck.
Silence settles over the room, and I stare hard at my dark blue comforter.
Then Easton’s gentle words finally break the silence. “Ipromise you’re enough, Shane. I’ve kinda gotten the impression you’re Jed’s entire world.”
My attention flicks up to his.
His brows pinch. “But I also want to spin that around really quick. We love you. Exactly you. If that’s not enough for someone, that’s where they fall short, not you. You don’t need to be anything but yourself. If someone requires more, they aren’t deserving of your time.”
I wrinkle my nose against the sting building and bite my cheek hard. “Those are very nice words, Cowboy,” I say hoarsely.
His lips curve up softly. It’s a smile of reassurance and love. A promise that every word he speaks is true. It’s sweet, genuine East.
“They’re true.” He pauses, hesitates. “But, um, also…do you think maybe it might be worth seeing someone about this? What you’ve been through, Shane…it’s a lot to carry on your own. Therapy can be really amazing. It’ll help you unpack this, learn coping strategies. I know there’s a stigma around going, but I kinda think we could all benefit from someone helping us work through our feelings. I don’t really get why that’s seen as a negative.”
His gaze drops and he gives my foot a little love tap. “I started seeing someone for my anxiety, and because my and Maddy’s situation has been weighing on me. I’m really loving it.” His earnest blue gaze lifts. “It’s nice to talk to someone who understands how our minds work. It can be…healing, understanding why we feel the way we do. That what we’re feeling is valid, but that there are still things we can do to help ourselves.”
That’s…an interesting thought. A really great thought.
“I think that’s a really good idea, Cowboy.”
“The only kind I have, bro.” He gives me an exaggerated nod, the wordbrolaid on extra thick.
A laugh barks out of me. “Was that supposed to be an imitation of me?”
He grins. “No one can dude-bro like you, Shane-O.”
“I’m one of a kind,” I toss out.
East’s smile fades. “You are, Shane. I know you don’t mean it when you say things like that. But you’re irreplaceable to us.”
I frown against the burn building in my eyes. “Well, damn,” I say thickly.
