Kissing is intimate and vulnerable. It’s for the people you let into your heart, and I’ll never do that again.
“Sure.” He turns and this time he doesn’t reach for me, just looks over his shoulder as he heads towards the bathrooms at the back of the club. I follow, pushing my way through a sea of writhing bodies until I reach the narrow corridor.
It’s been a month since Darius left me. A month since I realised everything I believed about us was a lie. Do I honestly believe he left me for someone else? Maybe. It’s not impossible. Darius is perfect in every way. Of course, other men would pursue him. What I really think happened though, is that he realised I’m too much of a mess to be with. I was too needy. I leaned too hard.
I try to push thoughts of him aside as I slide into the tight cubicle with my current conquest. He’s looking at me oddly, and his hands are wringing together in front of him. The confidence I thought I saw out on the dancefloor is gone, and it occurs to me that maybe he hasn’t done this before – hasn’t hooked up with some random in the back of a dark club.
“You sure you want to do this?” I ask.
“Yes. Yes…I um…” he looks around the stall, straightens his shoulders and says, “I want to do this.”
“Good.” I slide a hand into his hair, then apply subtle pressure. He understands the gesture, falling to his knees. He undoes my belt and unbuckles my jeans before pulling my cock out of my boxers. I’m not hard, but his mouth is hot and his tongue is eager and it doesn’t take long until I’m thrusting between his lips, my hands still in his hair. The pleasure is short-lived and when I’m done, I tuck myself away, then help him to his feet. With a hand on his hip, I turn the guy around so his back is to me, then I wrap an arm around his front, slide my hand into his jeans and jack him hard and fast until he’s making a mess in his boxers.
His eyes are dark and his lips glisten when he looks at me again.
“Thank you.” He smiles and fuck, why is he thanking me? “Do you, uh…want to meet up again sometime? Maybe get a drink somewhere not so crowded?”
God, I knew he was nice. Sweet even. I bet he’d make someone really happy. Just not me – I’m not looking for more than this.
“No. But that was fun.” His face falls as I gesture to the door behind him. He gets the idea, opening it and sliding out, dejection clear in his slumped shoulders. Fucking hell, did no one tell this guy that this is not the place to come to find a meaningful relationship?
“What’s your name?” I ask as I saunter over to the row of sinks to wash my hands. I keep my eye on him in the mirror.
“Seth.”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Seth. But it’s not me. It’s never me.”
With that, I open the bathroom door, letting it shut behind me as I work my way into the middle of the crowd. I drink and dance for hours after that. The thumping in my bones giving way to a numbness that carries me into the early hours of the morning.
I hate the taste of the night before. My tongue feels like cotton wool and my head hurts so badly I can barely sit up. But there’s an annoying ringing coming from somewhere. I open my eyes and it takes me far longer than it should to realise it’s my phone.
Groaning, I throw off my blanket, noticing that I’m stark naked and also, thankfully, alone.
“Fucksake,” I grumble, retrieving the ringing device from my jeans that were in a heap next to the sofa.
Caiden’s name flashes on the screen and I sigh, hit to reject the call and then carry my weary body to the shower. Eyes closed, I let the water run over my head, visions of Darius’s blue eyes and dimples appearing behind my lids, the same way they always do. I turn the shower as cold as it can go, shocking myself awake while also chasing the memories of him away.
Once I’m out of the shower, I sit on the sofa and pick my phone up to find a message from Caiden.
Caiden:Fancy coming over for a drink?
This isn’t the first message he’s sent me in the last month. Hell, it’s not even the fifth. For some reason, he’s holding out an olive branch, and I’m both intrigued and wary about why.
Me:We both know your knight in shining armour doesn’t want me around.
My message shows as delivered but when no reply comes back after a few minutes, I leave the phone on my lap and pickup a newspaper I bought earlier in the week, turning to the crossword.
One down, eight letters, clue: a tall yellow bloom.
SUNFLOWER. Of course it fucking is. I throw the newspaper across the room, launching the pencil after it.
Looking down, I see that Caiden has replied.
Caiden:It’s good to see you haven’t changed, Oliver. Now, stop being a fucking prick and come over for a drink. 5pm. You know the address.
Me:And if I say no?
Caiden:I will keep asking. Every week until you say yes. You’re being a stubborn shit. Stop it.
