“Ollie, I can’t stop here. Hold on, okay?” We’re still on one of those fucking narrow roads with no space to pullover. I’m breathing through the rising panic, spots dancing in my vision when Darius speaks again.
“What’s down there?” I look at where he’s pointing and nod, not able to move enough air through my lungs to speak. He makes the turn which brings us to a small recreational area complete with parking space for three cars. It’s empty, and he pulls the car in, killing the ignition.
I swing the door open with force, running to the woodland area surrounding the carpark, losing the contents of my stomach into the shrubbery. My muscles clench and I sink down to the ground, knees up, my face buried in my arms, chest aching with the struggle to take in air.
Trainers scuff on gravel before a gentle hand cards through my hair.
Inside me, a storm rages. Bones rattling. Foundations tearing. Airways crushing. Yet in front of me, a calming force steadies a world on the edge of destruction. Darius slides his hands from my hair to cup my cheeks, lifting my face until our eyes meet.
He’s an anchor, thrown out to steady a ship on a wind-beaten sea, and I tether myself to him. Holding tight so I’m not washed away.
“Breathe, Ollie.”
“I...I can’t.” I don’t know how long the body can go without a proper breath but it feels like an eternity has passed since I last managed.
“Breathe, puppy.” His voice is warm but stern, concern flashing in his eyes. I open my mouth and suck in a sharp breath, filling my lungs. “Good. Again.”
I repeat the action once, twice, and then a third time before my breathing is steady. “How are you always so calm?”
“I don’t really know, to be honest. I think it’s in my nature.” Darius drops to his knees, shuffling forward. I open my legs and he slides between them, hugging me, right there on the gravel of a carpark in the middle of rural Devon. He presses a kiss to my temple. “I don’t know your story, Ollie, and maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think life has been cruel to me the way it has you.”
“You’re not. I need it to stop. I’m so tired, D.”
“What do you want to do? If you say you want to leave, I’ll drive us back to London right now,” Darius offers. “You know we have enough snacks to get us home.” His humour is exactly what I need and despite the exhaustion settling into every part of me, I manage a soft smile.
“Can we go to the bed-and-breakfast now and leave seeing my mum until tomorrow? I don’t want to see her yet.”
“Anything you want.”
We make the slow drive to the bed-and-breakfast, another twenty minutes past my parents’ place, and park out front the little stone cottage. I grab our bags from the back of the car while Darius checks us in. We take the stairs to the first floor and though we’ve booked separate rooms, Darius follows me into mine.
We don’t talk about it. He simply takes his bag from me and walks into the bathroom. I sit on the edge of the double bed looking at the door he closed behind him, biting my lip to hold back the groan building in my chest when he walks out dressed in tiny pink pyjama shorts and a loose fitting white tee. It drapes off his slender shoulder, leaving his collarbone exposed, and I want more than anything to place a kiss right in the dip.
His eyes are gentle, and his smile is sweet when he rounds the bed and lifts the duvet.
“Is this okay?” he asks.
I swallow, my voice a breathless croak when I reply. “Perfect.” I don’t take my eyes off of Darius as he slides beneath thecovers. My heart races, not only because I haven’t shared a bed with another person in years, but because it’s him. The man I’m hopelessly falling for.
The reality of that hits me like a bolt of lightning, wreaking havoc on my already fragile emotions.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I think of Darius and that little four letter word and…it fits. It feels right and that fuckingscaresme.
After a quick shower, in which the water went cold almost as soon as I got in, I brush my teeth then dress in gym shorts, leaving my torso bare. When I return to the room, Darius’s eyes meet mine before they dip, moving over my naked chest like a caress. Lifting the other side of the duvet, I slide in beside him.
We’re both on our backs and despite the space between us, I am fully aware of Darius’s presence. His gentle breaths, the scent of his skin, the brush of his foot against mine. I’m too worn out to get hard, and I’m thankful for that, but there is no doubt in my mind that I want him.
I’ve been so afraid for so long of letting people in, but I never stood a chance with Darius, and now that he’s burrowed into my heart, I’m afraid something will take him away from me. But more than that, I’m afraid it’ll be me who chases him away.
“My dad once told me that the night I was born, there was a storm. He said that I captured the energy of that storm inside of me.” If Darius is confused by my sudden confession into the stillness of the room, he doesn’t say as much. “Over the years, I wondered what he meant by that. I never asked him, but one day I saw this news report about a storm that destroyed an entire village and I figured that he meant I was like that. Chaotic. Destructive.” I take a breath before the next part. “What if I ruin us? What if that’s in my nature?”
I turn onto my side, and Darius does the same, bringing us face to face. We’ve left the curtains open and though the sun hasset, there’s still a warmth in the sky that casts a serene glow over his features.
Angel.
“I think your dad was right about the energy in you. Not because you’re destructive, Oliver. But because you’re strong and resilient.” Darius’s words are a balm, even if they are a struggle to believe. “So strong.” My heart stills as he leans closer and ghosts his lips over the side of my mouth. It’s not a kiss, it’s barely a touch, but it warms me to the core. “And like a storm, you’re captivating.”
