I shove the book back in my bag and walk over to the railing, gazing out at the glittering sea below. Immediately, a familiar queasy feeling spoils the insanely beautiful view. When did I become so afraidof everything? I’m paralyzed by heights. Afraid of my ex. Apparently, now, I’m afraid to sketch. And I was so scared of standing up to Caleb that I didn’t even call him out when he blatantly snubbed me in front of Harry. Just once, I wish I could be like Marianne, who never says no to an adventure and always saysexactlywhat she’s thinking. Like my sister, who moved to LA all on her own with no plan, no safety net, and two thousand dollars to her name. I don’t want to go my whole life letting fear get in the way of everything I want to do. I want to bebrave.
And I know the perfect way to practice.
I dart a look back to the stairs to make sure no one is watching and strip down to my bathing suit. But when I step over the polished railing, my knees literally buckle. I clenchonto a silver pole beside me and wait for the fear rioting through my limbs to simmer down. But it only gets worse. Nausea. Vertigo. The sound of every nerve in my body screaming at me to back down. What the hell was I thinking? I turn around and prepare to step back over the rail when I hear an unwelcome voice from around the corner.
“Sister’s a bit of a funny one,” Jim says, and I cringe as I realize he must be talking about me.
“Funny?” a familiar New Zealand accent responds. “She’s a liability is what she is. The last thing I need this week.”
Caleb. And he’s coming closer. Without thinking, I drop down to my knees behind the back of the bench, flattening myself as close to the ground as I can. And by ground, I mean the sparkling deck of a yacht half the size of a football field.
“She clearly has no idea how things work around here,” Caleb continues, his tone disdainful. “Harry already hit me with a lecture about enforcing protocol when he saw her carrying her own bag.”
I stifle a squeak. I didn’t realize my stomach could drop any lower, but Caleb’s proven me wrong.
“For the record, I did try,” Jim’s Aussie accent cuts in. “Was I supposed to wrestle it out of her hands?”
“Of course not. But it’s not your head that’s on the chopping block if the Warrens feel like the crew is slacking. Harry may be easy going, but everything needs to be tight as a drum by the time his parents arrive tomorrow. That girl’s lucky Patricia wasn’t here to see her waltzing up with her sandy feet, covered in mosquito bites. She’d have thrown her back to the sea.”
My face goes hot, and I feel like I’ve been slapped. Caleb has confirmed what I already knew—I’m not cut out for this. I stick out on this boat like a sea urchin. Maybe hedoesremember yesterday—he’s probably just too embarrassed to admit association with a disaster like me.
“Don’t be so hard on her, Caleb. She seems like a sweet girl.”
“Sweet? She’s got absolutely no sense of decorum,” Caleb says as they move closer to my hiding place. “If I didn’t know her sister, I’d think she’d been raised by wolves.”
I hold my breath and will myself, not for the first time, to simply evaporate. In a few seconds, they’ll be practically on top of me. And they’ll know I’ve been hiding like the coward I am for this whole conversation. My heart is hammering for a different reason as I look down over the side of the boat to the turquoise water below. The choice is clear: face the embarrassment of confronting Caleb, or throw myself to certain death.
Certain death it is.
I lean over the side of the ship, taking a deep breath as I get my legs under me and launch myself outwards before I get another glimpse of the impossible distance between me and the sea. For a second I think I’ve blacked out, until I remember I’m still closing my eyes. But when they fly open, everything gets so much worse. My stomach rockets into my throat, giving me precious seconds to regret the decision before my feet connect with the water. Could I actuallydie? What if I got the angle wrong? What if a massive shark the size of a schoolbus is waiting just below the surface, its jaws open to scoop up anyone idiotic enough to leap off the side of a yacht?
My skin stings with the impact as I pass through the invisible border between water and air, and I remember just in time to plug my nose as my head goes under. My body plunges down, five feet—ten—and I open my eyes to see the ghostly light of sun filtering through the empty depths. The heavy salt burns my irises and I hold my arms out to slow the ascent to the surface
Adrenaline rockets through my veins, filling me with a high I haven’t felt in years. I did it. I’malive!I allow myself to float in stillness for a moment, my legs tingling with theimpossibility of what I’ve just done.It’s so peaceful beneath the water: full of the aching silence of undisturbed oceans. No motors, no crash of waves—onlyblue.The ocean cradles my limbs and body like a warm cocoon, suspending me in zero gravity as I float towards the surface. Maybe drowning feels like this. Maybe it’s only the endless quiet swallowing you whole.
Then the quiet cracks open.
My eyes fly open as something plunges in next to me. I feel hands grab tightly beneath my arms, yanking my ribcage up towards the air with incredible force. I recognize Caleb’s curly golden hair as we break the surface together, each gasping for air.
“What are you doing?” I sputter as soon as I can catch my breath.
“Hold on, I’ve got you!”
In four long strokes, Caleb has us back at the swimstep, where I haul myself up.
“I’ve got it,” I tell him as he climbs up to meet me. He’s still in full uniform, his white shirt soaked so thoroughly I can see the lines of distractingly defined muscle beneath it. Stop staring, stop staring…
“Are you alright?” he grabs my arms, looking me over for signs of injury. “Are you hurt?”
Does he think I fell off the deck?
“I’m fine,” I say, slightly annoyed that he thinks I’m uncoordinated enough to trip over the railing. I guess he remembers the urchin incident after all.
“I didn’t fall,” I tell him breathlessly. “I jumped.”
“What?” he splutters incredulously.
I shrug.
