For a second, I’m silent, but the inside of my head is anything but. Sirens blare through my mind in a nonstop cacophony of guilt. The blanket. The stargazing. Caleb on watch last night.
“What time did this happen?” I bark.
“I don’t know?—“
I raise my voice until I’m practically shouting at him.
“What time?”
Matthew raises his shoulders in a shrug.
“A little after midnight?”
I feel my entire nervous system collapse. This is my fault. Caleb missed watch because he was withme.
Without thinking through the next steps of my plan, I rush for the door. I have to do something before it’s too late.
“Where are you going?” Matthew stops me before I can grab the handle.
“To fix this.”
“Stella, you can’t! What could you even say?“
I pull my arm from Matthew’s grasp, but it’s too late. I can’t stop the tears that are spilling down my face. When he sees them, his eyes go as wide as the wingspan of one of Patricia’s precious flamingos.
“Oh. My. God,” he says slowly, realization dawning on him. “You’re the reason he missed his watch. You and…Caleb?”
Of course he doesn’t believe it. With the way Caleb and I used to snap at each other, I can scarcely believe it myself. But I don’t say a thing, just stare at him like a possum in a flashlight beam. Maybe if I’m absolutely still, he’ll just go away.
“Stella.” His voice turns from scandalized to panicked. “Please. You can’t tell anyone. If my mom finds out it was youwith him that night, she’s going to review more of the tapes, and?—“
“Are youseriousright now?” I bark at him. I hit Matthew with a stare so vicious, he forgets what he was going to say next. “Caleb is about to lose his job, his livelihood, and all you can think about is yourself?”
“Stella, don’t go down there. There’s nothing you can do!“
“Butyoucan,” I remind him. “Tell them the truth. You still have a chance to fix this!”
“Ican’t. Stella, I’m sorry, but Caleb’s toast anyway. He missed a watch. For a deckhand, that’s a warning. But for a captain, it’s a death sentence.”
Matthew’s eyes have gone glossy with tears, his normally apathetic expression nowhere to be found.
“Even if I told them the truth, which Ican’t, he still broke the code. It isn’t going to accomplish anything other than, you know, ruining my life.”
Those are selfish tears—the tears of someone who’s backed himself into a corner. Matthew doesn’t care about meorCaleb. He hasn’t even mentioned anything about Steven. All he cares about is saving his own skin. I should have never let my guard down with him—never assumed he was anything more than a self-centered ass.
“Matthew,” I grit out, “I’m not sure how you never learned this, but sometimes the easy thing to do and the right thing to do aren’t the same thing.”
“Stella,” Matthew’s voice is softer than the click of the door handle. “Please, don’t.”
“I meant what I said last night,” I tell him in a choked voice. “I would never tell a secret that’s not mine to tell. But you’d better think long and hard about how much your “reputation” means to you. Because right now, you’re destroying someone else’s.”
Nobody’s there to stop me as I storm through the galley and down the stairs to the crew cabins. Maybe Patricia’s called an anti-mutiny drill: return to your cabins and await further instruction. I pound on Caleb’s door with no regard for who might be listening. Am I too late? Has Caleb already left the ship?
The door creaks open just enough for me to see the wreckage inside. Caleb blocks the doorway: his eyelids red, his face drawn and uncharacteristically pale.
“Jesus, Stella,” he half-whispers and pulls me inside before anyone can see me. On his bed, a half-packed suitcase hemorrhages clothes and charging cords.
The lock clicks behind me.
