Nina presses her pelvis against mine, and all other thoughts instantly flee my mind. I should be embarrassed at how eagerly my cock stirs to immediate and full attention with even the briefest contact, but I’m too overcome with need. More.More. To be inside her would be the sweetest homecoming.
With a gasp, Nina wrenches her mouth from mine. “I can’t. I can’t.”
All the wild want and need clouding every other function of my mind and body immediately dissipates. It’s like there’s a switch for my libido, and those words uttered in Nina’s soft, panicked voice flick it to off. Hands in the air, I wrench back from her so dramatically that I smack my head against the wall.
For a panicked moment, we both freeze, listening to see if anyone is going to come check on us. After a minute, we relax again, exchanging guilty smiles.
Nina covers her mouth, clearly doing her best not to smile at my pain. “Are you okay?” she whispers.
It sounded worse than it was; I’m more embarrassed than hurt. But my dumb, hormone-addled brain turns to mush at her obvious concern for me. “Areyouokay?” I turn it back to her. “Did I ... scare you?”
Nina uncovers her mouth, shaking her head decisively. “No. I’m sorry. I just ... I don’t want to move too quickly. I’m sorry. Is that okay?”
The uncertainty in her voice breaks my heart, honestly. I get a peek into what her life must be like, if asking for even the most basic respect for her consent sends her into an anxiety spiral.
I sit up so I’m no longer prone on the bed but leaning on my elbows, the better to make eye contact with her and really make my point, I hope. “You don’t need to apologize. I only ever want to do what you want to do, too.”
Nina flushes, her eyes darting down to my cock, which is still quite obviously tenting my jeans. She bites her lip.Dammit, Nina. I’m a consent king, but I’m no saint, and even if I’d never do anything she doesn’t want to do, drawing attention to her lips in conjunction with my cock is going to get my imagination all kinds of excited.
Luckily, Nina starts speaking so I have something important to focus on other than the Dread Pirate Roberts. (Still not answering any questions about that nickname.) “It’s not that I don’t want to. I want to do ... pretty much all of the things with you. You’re a temptation for me.”
I ... don’t quite know how to read that. My groin has all kinds of feelings, knowing that Nina wants me as much as I want her. But that word—temptation. It carries some very negative connotations. I tread carefully, not wanting her to spook or overreact, but also wanting to be certain we’re on the same page. “So ... being with me would be a sin?”
I don’t feel that way. I’ve never felt that way about sex, and I especially wouldn’t about sex with Nina. Taking pleasure in each other, making her feel good, showing her how much I care about her without words—none of that feels like it should be wrong to me.
But if Nina feels that way ... if anything we do would cause her guilt or shame, it doesn’t seem like that can be the foundation for anything but misery. We might need to rethink if we can be together.
To my relief, Nina shakes her head vehemently. “No. That’s not what I mean. It’s more like, I find it really, really hard to resist you.”
Oh. I wrap my head around that. Okay, I think I can get on board with that concept. I can’t quite catch the smile that tugs at my lips, the little waggle of my eyebrows. “Well, I have been told I look irresistible in a coonskin cap.”
Nina laughs, but her expression sobers again quickly. “I just worry about getting carried away before we’re really ready. BeforeI’mreally ready.”
I swallow, hard, searching for the right words to communicate just how important it is to me that she feels ready and safe. “You’re the boss,” I tell her. “You set the pace. Where you lead, I will follow.”
Am I just quoting theGilmore Girlstheme song now? Maybe. (Hey, I have two sisters and an appreciation for quick and witty banter. I’ve definitely watched more than my fair share of the adventures of Lorelai and Rory, even if the showwould be better with some crossbows. Just saying.) The point being, I want Nina to feel comfortable knowing that she is calling all the shots with our physical relationship.
Nina takes a moment to process this idea. Then she smiles, one of her sweet little Nina smiles that feels like a real victory earn. “I’m the boss?” she murmurs back, arching one eyebrow.
“O captain, my captain,” I confirm, and am rewarded with an even bigger smile. I feel like I’m king of the world.
Yep, I’ve read Keats, too. I’m a complex guy, sweetheart.(Name that quote!)
Taking Nina in my arms, I kiss the top of her head and let my body relax as she snuggles against me. “We’re in no rush,” I promise her.
This time, I’m determined, we’ll get things right.
Chapter 34
Nina
The next morning, I’m relieved when Deja asks me to stay behind at the Lodge to work on dresses for the masquerade ball instead of going to set with her. Today of all days, I don’t want to be on set. The Mountainettes will be narrowing down their final three contestants at the Axing Ceremony, and if Wes goes through, it means he and Harmony will only be getting closer and closer. I know he’ll only be doing what he needs to do, and what we’ve both agreed to do moving forward, but it’s still not something I especially want to see. I’ve never been one to pick at my scabs; I prefer to hide all my injuries under Band-Aids and pretend they aren’t there until they’ve healed, thank you very much.
Emotionally, this feels pretty much the same. If I don’t have to see it, maybe I can pretend it isn’t happening.
Before Deja leaves for set, I help her gather together the items they’ll need for the shoot. “Thanks for letting me work on the dresses,” I tell her as we move about the room. “I know all the costumes are important, but the pretty, shiny ones are my favorite.”
Deja laughs. “Tell me about it. I have a bougie soul. When other kids were talking about their favorite superheroes at school, I wouldn’t shut up about my favorite outfits at the MetGala.”
