Why couldn’t Wes have been investigating any of the other Mountainettes? It still would have been uncomfortable to watch him pretend to flirt with another woman, but at least I wouldn’t have to simultaneously worry about her being heartbroken once the truth comes out.
No, that isn’t true. No matter who the woman was, I would feel bad that she’s being put in this position. The whole thing is so ugly and sordid and messy.
It doesn’t feel that way when Wes and I are alone together, though. What we have feels so genuine and sweet and good. So far we’ve been able to block out all the other noise around us, but what happens when it gets too loud? What happens when it starts to drown out everything that’s real?
I’m not going to think about that now. And I’m definitely not going to watch Harmony and Wes flirting with each other. My plan is to ask Deja if I can stay at the wardrobe department headquarters at Donner Lodge from now on. I’ll workon the dresses for the upcoming masquerade ball so I don’t have to see so much of what’s going on during filming.
But Deja’s busy talking to one of the producers, so I have to bide my time until I can get her go-ahead to return to the hotel.
In the meantime, I decide to distract myself with one of Wes’s videos. Sorry, one ofGeekOut’s videos. I admit, I was taken aback when Wes told me how much he loved all things fantasy. It’s not that I have anything against fantasy, per se, it just doesn’t really match with the way Wes usually presents himself.
But seeing him in that obstacle course today, I had the feeling that I was watching him in his true element. He was so confident and sure of himself. I’d never thought of shooting a bow and arrow as being particularly attractive (even if I did always weirdly have a thing for the cartoon fox version ofRobin Hood—don’t judge), but seeing Wes do it? I understood for the first time what Harmony was feeling all those years ago, showing me pictures and video clips of her favorite celebrity crushes. It feltswoonworthy.
Using my FBI phone, I download TikTok and create a hasty user profile so I can search for Wes’s channel. I’m not allowed to have TikTok on my own phone, and even if I did, I’d probably have to show my aunt and uncle my user history, like they make my teenage cousins do. Honestly, the FBI is probably monitoring my phone usage less than Uncle Aaron is.
Finding Wes’s channel, I’m surprised by how many views he has. I click on one of the top videos, in which Wes, dressed like Indiana Jones, demonstrates how to replicate some of his whip tricks. There’s a black mask filter covering most of his face, but I can still see the sparkle in his pale green eyes and his cheeky grin. He’s happy in a way that I’ve rarely witnessed before. Wes is a cheerful, upbeat guy overall, but here, he really looksjoyful.
It’s ironic that whenever he’s undercover, being Cass or Nate R. or whoever else, he’s dressed to blend in, he’s hiding who he truly is. Here, in these videos, when he’s wearing an obvious costume and mask, he seems the most like his true self.
And for some reason, the video is really, really working for me. On paper, it doesn’t sound like something super attractive—a grown man dressed in a costume to look like a film character and demonstrating a technique for a talent that isn’t remotely useful anywhere outside of a Renaissance faire. But whether it’s Wes’s confidence, or his obvious enjoyment of the subject matter, or the waythe muscles in his forearms move while he cracks that whip, I find myself getting unexpectedly flushed.
Judging by the comments, apparently I am not alone.Whip me any time daddy, one user writes—and, oh, wow, that’s one of the tamer ones ...
I scroll to another video. This time Wes is wearing trousers and a tunic cinched with a belt. He’s holding a sword and demonstrating the best grip and foot movements and such before he goes into a full, one-sided replication of a fight scene fromThe Princess Bride. Then he overlays the video with one of him acting out the other side of the fight, so it looks like he’s fighting himself but in a slightly varied costume. He’s so graceful, so limber?—
“Is that the hot nerd? The one who replicates all the movie stunts?”
I jump at the sound of Deja’s voice. I hadn’t heard her coming up behind me. Quickly, I exit the screen. She likely wouldn’t be able to tell he’s “Nate R.” because of the digital masks he wears, but it still feels like too close a call, and I can feel my heart pounding. I don’t want to share this thing that Wes has given to me. I want to keep it as my own.
“I don’t know,” I return vaguely, then quickly change the subject. “Do you need me anymore here, or do you mind if I go back and work on the dresses ... ?”
After Deja gives me the go-ahead to leave, I search for Lyle to see if there’s any chance he’s heading back to the hotel and can give me a ride. Instead, I’m sidelined by Harmony, who looks thrilled to see me—unlike earlier, when she sent me away so I wouldn’t be in the shot of her and Wes flirting.
She doesn’t know, I remind myself, wanting to be rid of this unwarranted resentment I feel toward her. So I do my best to match her enthusiasm about how the day is going, but that seems wrong, too, like I’m helping to lure her into a trap.
I hate this.
“Did you see my man and his moves?” Harmony gushes. She fans herself dramatically. “I’m not usually into the whole nerd schtick, but I can see why it’s a thing. There’s something about a super attractive man doing something really dorky?—”
My defensiveness rises up immediately. “It’s not dorky. It’s just a unique skill set.”
Harmony looks taken aback, and it’s no surprise why. I don’t usually argue with her, or with anyone. Blinking, she corrects herself. “O-kay. I only meant they’re pretty useless things to know how to do in this day and age. But it was kinda hot, right?”
Luckily, Harmony doesn’t really need me to reply. As long as I nod along in agreement, she can use me as her sounding board and vent whatever it is she’s feeling. I play along numbly.
“My producer told me we’re doing a hot-air balloon next,” she gushes, oblivious to my silence, which feels so thundering to me. “So romantic, right?”
I force myself to nod along. “Mm-hmm.”
Harmony smiles to herself, twirling her hair. “He hasn’t kissed me yet. I’m not sure why. I think he’s trying to be a gentleman? But I’m going to make sure he knows the hot-air balloon will be the perfect place for him to finally ravish me with his lips. Maybe some tongue.”
I think I’m going to throw up.
Harmony levels her gaze on me, seeming to really see me for the first time in this conversation. “Don’t tell Daddy. I know he’ll see it when it airs, but hopefully by then Nate and I will be engaged, so all can be forgiven.”
I can feel my heart pounding in my ears, unfortunately not loud enough to drown out her words.Engaged. That’s where this is all going. Unless ...
“Hey, do you know Uncle Aaron’s password?” I ask her, trying to keep my voice as innocent as possible, as if the thought just randomly occurred to me. “He asked me to download some hymns for him, but I’m locked out.”
