As if sensing the direction of my thoughts, Wes speaks up quietly. “I know it’s ugly—infiltrating people’s lives that way. Lying straight to their faces. Using their trust in you and manipulating it to get what you want.” His voice grows heavy with bitterness, and I see true self-loathing in the darkening of his eyes and the grim set of his jaw. “Believe me, it’s not my first choice. But you haven’t spoken to the victims. You haven’t seen how whole families have been destroyed, reputations lost, innocent people imprisoned and shunned by their communities for things they didn’t do. If there was another way ...”
“What if there is?” The words leave my mouth before they’re a fully formed thought, but as soon as I speak them, they begin coming to life in my mind.
Wes sighs. “It’s not a good idea. You’re technically an informant, but it wasn’t planned. You haven’t been properly trained or vetted?—”
“So train me! Vet me!” I speak as forcefully as I can while still beingveryaware of the thin walls, my family close by. “You want to get close to Uncle Aaron, right? Be part of the family?” I motion to myself. “That’s me. I’m there already.”
“Nina ...” He sighs and looks at me like I’m a bowl of ice cream but he’s already over his sugar allowance for the week. Full of regret.
But I refuse to accept that. I refuse to let this be my life. I refuse to just sit by while Uncle Aaron takes one more thing from me. “Tell me what to look for. I’m already here. I’ll look! And if we can find it before the show’s over, you don’t have to go through with the rest of it.” Seeing doubt in his eyes, I hurry on, buoyed by my own momentum. “No, listen. I understand you’ll still have to do your side of things, in case I’m unsuccessful. But if I am successful, you can self-eliminate from the show. People do that sort of thing all the time, don’t they? You can make up some emergency for why you have to leave, and Harmony will still have other options around, and no one will get in too deep.”
No one will fall in love, is what I mean. Not Harmony. Not Wes. I won’t be betraying one of my cousins, again. And Wes and I will really be free to leave together, without the guilt of abandoning the investigation.
It’s the perfect plan! Internally I’m that GIF of the two ladies fromFriends, hopping up and down in excitement. And, okay, some of that excitement might be terror wearing a wig. But I can do this. I have to do this.
Wes still looks skeptical. “Do you think Aaron would confide in you?”
Some of my hope deflates, but I cling to the rest of it stubbornly, refusing to let that limp balloon of possibility go. “No. He kind of hates me.”
It’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that much out loud to anybody. I always thought it would hurt too much to say; I’m surprised at how freeing it feels to put the realization into words.
Wes reels back in a gratifying show of genuine surprise. “What? How is that possible? You’re perfect.”
It’s said with such genuine feeling that I can’t help but be touched. Then again, he always did see something special in me, even back before I could see it in myself. “They leave me here alone at the hotel suite all the time. I have access to his laptop, his iPad. If he’s storing any evidence on there, I can find a way to get it to you.”
“I don’t know.” Wes shakes his head, though I can see some of his initial cynicism is decreasing. His hesitation now is something else—reluctance, I think, to put me in danger. “You’re a civilian. You shouldn’t be getting involved.”
“I’m an FBI informant,” I remind him. “You’ve already pulled me into the investigation. You might as well put me to good use.” I nudge him with my leg—the most PG touch of all time, but I feel extremely bold doing it, initiating this contact between us. He is warm and solid andman,and I savor the touch. “And besides, it’ll mean I’ll have to check in with you regularly to tell you what I’ve found. I won’t be distracting you from your investigation then. I’ll be participating.”
A slow smile spreads across Wes’s face, making that dimple of his pop in a way that makes my stomach feel like it’s bouncing around a tumble dryer. “I guess that’s true,” he agrees slowly.
I grin back at him, unable to hide my excitement. Inside, I’m brimming with determination. This will work. Ithasto. Before Harmony gets too involved. Before Wes has to compromise too much of himself.
The sooner, the better.
Chapter 29
Wes
Even though I got only four hours of sleep, again, I’m grinning when the alarm goes off in the bunkhouse I’m sharing with a few of the other contestants. “Good morning, boys!” I shout to a chorus of groans. “Isn’t it a great day to be alive?”
I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling since I left Nina’s room last night. All my dreams were happy. Of course they were happy; they were of her. Nothing much has changed with our situation, not really. We still have huge obstacles to overcome. We still have to hide our feelings for each other from everyone else.
But we don’t have to hide them from one another anymore. And I can’t put into words just what a relief that is. With one person, I can be completely and totally honest. With Nina, I can be completely and totally myself.
I’m still grinning as we sit down for breakfast. I must be acting just as obnoxious as I’m feeling right now because Kyle glowers at me from across the table. “Dude. We get it. You had a good date with Harmony. Stop rubbing it in our faces.”
My smile falters, but only for a moment. Right. The Harmony of it all. If Morrie were here, he’d tell me I should be focused on using our connection on the date to make sure I get extra time with her in our group challenge today. If I’m going to win her trust enough to get access to her father, I have to use every moment we have together to the fullest.
I know a little something about that. When I first met Nina, we had only brief snippets of time together, little stolen moments. I took advantage of everything I had—drawings and notes and even Bible verses—to get her attention. I could use similar strategies with Harmony, I guess, but my gut clenches instinctively at the thought. It would feel like a betrayal to those memories with Nina.
No. I won’t do it. There has to be another way.
But Kyle’s words have had the desired effect. I’m no longer grinning as I shovel down my breakfast.
We’re driven out to what appears to be the local high school’s football field. Various stations have been set up around the grassy area, including what looks like a wood-chopping station, a rope course, and ... holy Gandalf the Grey, is that an archery station?
My grin is back in full force as Morrie crosses the field to join me. He’s already shaking his head before he’s even reached me. “Get that dorky grin off your face, Ackerman.”
