It’s probably for the best anyway, I realize as I slide my gaze back to Wes’s, just for a moment. The air between us is so charged it feels like the room might implode if I stay here any longer. As I walk past him—still not close enough to touch, but close enough that we could touch if we both reached out our arms just a little bit more—it feels like I’m on fire.
Once I’m back in the bakery, I can’t run outside fast enough.
I round the corner of the building, away from the crowds of people who’ve gathered to watch the filming. Once I’m out of sight, I take in a few deep breaths. Maybe I should quit the show. Maybe I should pretend that I’m sick. Maybe I should try to find some excuse to go back to Chicago. Uncle Aaron won’t like it, but hereallywouldn’t like it if he knew all the secrets I’ve been keeping.
Someone clears his throat behind me.
For one heart-stopping moment, I think that it might be Wes, but when I turn around, it’s Grady who’s followed after me. He eyes the expression on my face. It must give away everything that I’m feeling, because he sighs deeply. “All right, Nina,” he says, “out with it. What’s going on?”
Chapter 26
Nina
Iwait until we’re far away from the bakery, walking along one of the more secluded trails around the Lodge, before I tell Grady the whole story. “Nate isn’t Nate,” I reveal. “He’s Wes, and I knew him from before the show. Well, when I knew him before, his name was Cass.”
“O-kay.” Grady furrows his brow as he tries to follow along.
I’ve never tried explaining this to anyone before. It’s a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. “He was in prison then. And we fell in love—” When I say it out loud, it sounds too presumptuous, because Wes never admitted his feelings in so many words, did he? So I quickly amend, “Well,Ifell in love with him. Who I thought he was, anyway. Which is maybe who he still is? I’m not sure. Anyway, there were mutual feelings there. I think. We were in prison, so it’s not like we had a lot of time to talk about it.”
Grady’s eyebrows arch up a notch. “You were in prison?”
“No, I was still a postulant,” I explain.
He blinks at me.
I guess I need to clarify that more, but those aren’t the important details. “He was undercover at the time. But I didn’t know that. And I fell in love with him. And we made out.”
More rapid blinks from Grady. “While he was in prison?”
The more I try to explain this, the more completely bananas it sounds. I wish we were texting right now instead of talking out loud. I’d have the perfect GIF for it—the grimacing one, with the blonde girl in the pink sweatshirt. “Yeah. But that’s not the worst part of it.”
“There’s more?” Grady asks, sounding aghast.
“Don’t worry,” I reassure him. “I can’t actually tell you the rest.” There’s the wholeconfidentialpart of being an FBI informant, after all. Even though I haven’t been assigned to do anything yet, Morrie was very clear that I can’t say anything toanyone.
Grady lets out a low, frustrated sound that I’ve never heard him make before. “Nina,” he says through gritted teeth. “You can’t just say ‘I have a big secret’ and then say, ‘Sorry, you don’t get to hear it!’ That’s just ... mean.”
I can tell Grady is genuinely frustrated with me. I don’t like that feeling. Grady hasneverbeen frustrated with me before. He’s been my handsome Irish big brother/cheerleader since the day we met. I don’t want him to change his mind about me ...
And maybe I have some unpacking and deconstructing to do around the panic I feel when anyone is irritated with me for any reason. That can wait, though. For now, I just want Grady to stop looking at me like he’s angry. Or worse ... disappointed.
At the look of sheer panic on my face, Grady’s expression softens. He sighs, taking me by the shoulders. “Are you safe? Can you at least tell me that much?”
I consider the question honestly. “Kind of.”
Another growly noise from Grady, which I can tell he’s doing his best to bite back. He takes in a steadying breath. “Is there any version of the truth you can tell me without breaking any promises?”
Ooh, that’s ... interesting. There’s a difference between blurting out the entire truth to somebody and giving them pieces to connect the dots for themselves, isn’t there?
Treading carefully, I begin. “I used to know Wes before, under very different circumstances. And it was a big surprise to see him here again. Especially sincehe’s going by another name now. Which is different from his actual name.” I raise my eyebrows meaningfully at him.
“’Kay.” Grady nods slowly. I don’t know if he’s entirely with me yet, but at the very least, he doesn’t sound completely lost.
Buoyed by even that little success, I continue. “And things are extra complicated because there’s someone I know who might potentially be a criminal.”
“Your uncle,” Grady says without missing a beat.
Whoa. He got there extremely quickly. I blink at him in surprise, then do my best to still my features so no trace of emotion leaks through. “I cannot confirm nor deny that guess.”
