“I ... would?” I look between them again. Doing a favor for someone is much harder to turn down than accepting a favor from them. I’ve had it programmed into me to avoid taking at all costs, but it’s never worked the other way. I’ve always, always been expected to give.
Seeming to sense she’s hooked me, Sienna continues, “The studio has saddled us with one of their executives to oversee the filming, and honestly, it’s made everything into a fight. We had such an incredible vision of this empowering dating show where women were going to get to call the shots.”
“All the dresses were going to have pockets,” Rae laments, with real wistfulness in her voice.
“Perry is sucking all the joy out of the show and trying to turn it into another dumb reality show where the girls are in bikinis the whole time and the men are macho caricatures.” Intense irritations rolls off Sienna in waves. She takes in a breath, trying to calm herself. “And since he’s not only a killer of joy but also a cheapskate, he’s told us that we are strictly, absolutely not allowed to hire anyone new.” Her eyes gleam now as she looks at me.
I look dubiously at the two women. I might need to re-evaluate my opinion of them. They might not be angels; they might be demons. Beautiful, well-dressed she-demons. “You want to hire me out of spite?”
“Sienna makes most of her best decisions out of spite,” Rae says sagely, as if that makes any sense, which it definitely doesn’t.
But my discomfort must show, because her face softens. “All jokes aside, it’s just a little way to prove that this is stillourshow, not his. Haven’t you ever wanted to push back and remind someone that you’re in charge?”
The idea feels wild and heady and frightening in a way I don’t want to look at too closely.Yes, is what I want to say.I know exactly what you mean.
“No,” I lie, but it doesn’t sound entirely convincing, even to me. Maybe it’s time for just a smidge more honesty. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. My uncle really wouldn’t like it if I distracted from Harmony’s experience in any way.”
Sienna waves my concern away like it’s nonsense. “You’ll be behind the scenes! No one will even see you on camera.”
“And don’t worry about your uncle,” Rae adds, with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Sienna and I can be very persuasive ...”
I don’t doubt that’s true, since they somehow persuaded me to sit, eat pie with them, and confide my life’s ambitions in under five minutes—but they also don’t know my uncle. Or the shame I’ve put my family through, more than once.
The intention is kind, but I chalk up their offer to just one of the many disappointments in life—the dreams you hope will come true, before a crushing dose of reality wakes you.
Chapter 7
Wes
Listen, I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve never exactly had trouble in the dating department. I’m six feet tall, gainfully employed, physically fit, and apparently something of a pretty boy. No need to pretend that I’ve struggled to get attention.
Finding a connection? That can be trickier, especially when your hobbies are a bit “weird” and “off-putting to women” (according to Morrie). But who doesn’t struggle to find the one in this day and age, when we’re so connected and yet never been more disconnected from each other?
But I digress. All of that bragging about my sexylewksis to say I’m not someone with an inferiority complex by any stretch of the imagination—so when I say my fellowMountain Mancontestants make me feel like a hobbit, I’m not being down on myself. I’m an above-average-looking guy.
These men? These are Greek gods.
I don’t think anyone else on this show is under six three. And they’re all built like they do nothing but juggle car tires all day. There’s some body diversity, which is a pleasant surprise; so not all the men are totally ripped, but they’re allbig, strong, burly, barrel-chested types.
That’s when it hits me—I’m part of the body diversity, too. I’m the token little guy.
At first I tell myself, no problem! I’m a friendly dude. I can skate by on my charm, easy. I’ve done it before—hell, I’ve done it undercover in prison. Reality TV should be a walk in the park in comparison to that, right?
Wrong. These handsome, brawny gods are frickin’ dreamboats in the personality department, too. This is honestly the most interesting, coolest group of men I’ve ever talked to before. Jerome, from North Carolina, runs a nonprofit for kids who are color-blind. Nicky, from Virginia, is from a legacy firefighting family that goes all the way back to the nineteenth century. Denver, from, well, Denver, is studying to be an archaeologist and is training to be one of a handful of people left in the world who can read a dead language.
And myself? I am Nate Russell from Tennessee. Personality ambiguous. I’ve come up with a few token hobbies and habits, but when I was putting together my cover story, I was trying to find ways to blend in as much as possible, not stand out. Even the fact that I’m one of two Nates on the show (hence, why I have to go by Nate R.) was designed so I wouldn’t make too many waves.
I can’t exactly give Nate all of my actual hobbies and personality traits, either, since (a) I like to keep a firm line between my undercover persona and my actual life, and (b) I’ve been warned in no uncertain terms from Morrie that I must never, ever tell people about how much I love bagpipes.
But I’m probably blowing things out of proportion. Maybe these guys aren’t as impressive as I think. Or maybe they are, but I fit in just fine with them. Maybe any inferiority on my part is all just in my head.
This hope is almost immediately dashed as I take in the look on Morrie’s face after the meet and greet with the other men. He’s posing undercover as my producer, so he got to witness firsthand just how much of a loser I am compared to pretty much every other guy on the show.
When we’re finally alone together, he winces at me. “Do you have any secret skills?” Before I can get too excited, he adds, “Something actually impressive, like being able to bench-press one of the Mountainettes, not, like, swallowing a sword.”
What’s cooler than swallowing a sword, I ask you? But, admittedly, as this skill has never gotten anyone a girlfriend in the history of the world, I can see Morrie’s point. Frustrated, I rake a hand through my hair. “What are we gonna do?”
This is about more than just my ego, after all. Ineedto stay onMountain Manfor as long as possible so I can get close to one of the Mountainettes. HarmonyMiller, daughter of Aaron Miller. This entire undercover mission hinges on that. But why would Harmony choose me when I’m the only guy who isn’t built like Thor and whose undercover personality could best be described as “elevator music, but a person”?
