Silence, as I take this all in. I feel like it explains a lot of my interactions with Thad, why he’s always so prickly and ready for a fight. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” I say stupidly, for lack of anything better to say. I can’t commiserate and share my own love-gone-wrong stories, and he knows it.
He waves it off, and I can see the tough-guy walls coming back up, sliding into place. “Hardly the worst thing people’ve been through.”
Afraid he might retreat back into his grouchy shell, I try to keep the conversation going. “Well, bless your heart.”
He grins at me, a real grin, and it’s like his whole face splits wide open, and those walls come crashing back down. “Bless your heart? Ouch.”
I frown at him. “What? That’s a nice thing to say, isn’t it?”
“It’s basically the Southern way of saying screw you.” He shakes his head, laughing. “Where’d you hear that, anyway? I’m guessing that’s not a Boston thing.”
Blushing, I look back to the road. “I’ve, um, been watching some of the old episodes ofBama Bounty.” What a loser. I’m totally bluffing. I watched all four seasons in about a week. They’re short episodes and the seasons aren’t that long, but…still. “Just to do a little background check, make sure I know who I’m working with.”
His smile is a little more guarded now, but not faded completely. “And? What’d you think?”
“Well, you’re the breakout star of the show, of course.” I say it playfully, like I’m being a little facetious, but it’s true. Orpheus and Amadeus are more comic relief, beefy and brawny and always fighting with each other. Darius is the slightly ridiculous, but somehow still compelling, seasoned veteran. Vera is…well, the bombshell. And Thad is clearly the broody, inscrutable heartthrob of the show, red mohawk and all. He has a quiet intensity to him that captures your attention whenever he’s onscreen. It totally makes sense to me why there are so many fan pages devoted to him, plus homemade T-shirts, and even a tattoo I saw on one of the chat boards.
He squints at me, wary. “You’re making fun of me.”
“No, I’m not—I swear. I love the way you talk everyone through going back into prison and how you do those prayer circles together,” I tell him. “It’s…oddly moving.” I should probably stop there, but for some reason I’m compelled to continue, “And for the record, Vera was never good enough for you. I guess I’ve had the ending spoiled for me, but…what a diva! That episode where she made everyone wait half an hour while she got her manicure fixed? Not the time, Vera!”
Actually, she reminds me a little of Erica, now that I say it aloud. Huh. I never put that together until just this moment.
I check his face. His expression has turned a little rueful now, but the smile is still in place. “Some of that was scripted,” he admits, “but not entirely divorced from reality, I’ll give you that.”
A moment passes where he seems lost in some memory, and not a pleasant one. He clears his throat, and his smile fades again. “And somehow you still want all that, huh? Don’t you think you were better off in the convent?”
I can’t help but feel it as a rejection, even though I know this was never about me. I shrug, looking out the passenger-side window. “I want to be in love. At least once in my life.”
“Even if it goes horribly wrong?”
“Even if,” I agree.
He snorts. “You think that, until it does.” He’s silent for a while, and I imagine he’s thinking about Vera again, until he asks abruptly, “Is that why you were out with Shane?”
The way he says Shane’s name is so disdainful that I turn to look at his profile, gauging his expression. There’s clearly more to their history than I realized. “Well, kind of. I wasn’t looking forlove,per se. More like experience.”
More like, I’d just kissed the guy I really liked and found out he was only interested in me because he wanted to find my brother, and I thought Shane would be an easy ego boost. But I don’t say that part out loud.
Another snort from Thad as he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “That’d be an experience you’d have to get tested for afterward.”
If I didn’t know better, I’d almost say he sounds…jealous? But I don’t let myself get carried away with that thought, because it’s ridiculous. Thad could not have made it any clearer just how little he’s interested in me. There are about a million other reasons why he might be testy around the subject of Shane.
So I let it drop, and we fall into silence again, both of us staring out at the scenery as it blurs by.
Chapter 24
Thad
We stop for the day just outside of Nashville. This is the part of the trip where it becomes obvious we’re strangers. Some of those conversations we were having earlier, it started to feel like—maybe we knew each other? I know how stupid that sounds. I’m not saying we met in a previous life or something, but it didn’t feel like we were two people who’d barely had any interactions together. She’s easy to talk to, and she really listens, like it matters to her what I think. Maybe that’s setting the bar low, but in my last relationship I was in a constant competition with social media (and then, unbeknownst to me, my father), so you can’t blame a guy for enjoying the undivided attention for a change.
But now, trying to decide on a place to stay, it’s clear just how much we really don’t know each other yet. You know how with your family and friends, you can just be a grade-A asshole and make demands and shoot down ideas, but with an acquaintance you tend to be much more polite? All that “Oh, it doesn’t matter to me…whateveryouthink” hedging and bullshit. It gives me a headache, honestly, and I just want the whole thing to be done.
Again, I’m used to dealing with personalities like Vera’s, so I’m trying to suggest the kinds of things she would want. Not that we’ll probably find five-star resort hotels on the side of the highway, but I’m aiming for the nicer end of what we’re seeing. “What about that one?” I ask, indicating an advertisement for a hotel at the upcoming exit.
More hemming and hawing and squirming from Helen. Finally, I’ve had enough. “All right, say it. What’s the problem?”
“Could we go somewhere a little less pricey?” she asks, wincing as she says it. “I’m sorry if that’s not how you’re used to traveling, but I’m a public librarian in an expensive city, so…gotta count my pennies.”
