Most nights, I lie awake thinking about what is happening between them. I know I could never lower my guard like that, have a taste of her when I’m supposed to give her away, but my imagination runs wild. I can’t stop myself from wondering what she would do if I joined. Would she deny me? Or would she accept me with open arms?
My cock is harder than ever, begging for her. I deny myself once again, and I ball my hands into a fist, knowing I’m stronger than this. I have to walk away as soon as my body starts obeying me again.
Veda let Derrick’s cock go; it bobs against her cheeks, and she smiles up at him, that mouth all flushed and well used. It takes everything in me to make my body step away. It’s a victory for me, but when I’m about to turn and leave them be, her eyes find me through the crack as if she knows where to find me.
Fear grips my throat. I won’t survive if she sends me away. If she screams and tells me I’m not allowed to even look at her body, she’ll crush me beyond repair. She has every right to deny me, but it would still kill me.
Yet I live a thousand times over when those gorgeous lips curve in a smile.
thirty-six
Veda
Iwished for him to come to us so many times.
It was never right for me to wish, but I couldn’t stop myself. Major feels right, just as Jesse and Derrick do. I fought the feelings long enough, and once I let the fight go, everything fell into place. There’s hope inside me, a voice that whispers to me that I’m going to be okay. The voice is louder and stronger when I’m with them. I look at this ranch and the Golden Acre, and I know there’s no way I named a girl Mirasol and she doesn’t grow up with sunflowers.
It’s perfect. It’s right.
I ignore the stupid rules. I don’t care that I’m not starting a heat right now. I don’t care for what they think should happen; I care about my heart and what is right for me.And they are so damn right for me.
Major’s whole frame shakes when I look straight at him, my mouth waters, and I decide this is the moment. No holding back.
“It’s been six weeks, you know,” I tell the room, but I’m looking straight at him. “I’m six weeks postpartum.”
Jesse lifts his head between my legs with that goddamn smile that can melt me from the inside out. “That means what I think it means?”
“It’s officially safe for us to have sex,” I tell him, my hand brushing his curls away.
Everything stops. Derrick takes a breath, tensing beside me, but my eyes return to the man watching us through a crack.
“You can’t deny this, and I’m done letting you hide from me.”
Jesse turns to follow my gaze, and now it’s obvious to everyone that Major is out there. I’m challenging him, I know I shouldn’t, but perhaps only direct words will bring him from the shadows.
To my delight, he doesn’t walk away. He opens the door at once, eyes hard on me, and I squirm under that gaze, remembering that I’m naked in front of him for the first time.
“That’s what you really think?” he growls. “That I’m hiding?”
“What else would you call this?” I point at the hall where he hid.
“Being smart about where I sink my dick in is not hiding.”
His words land like a slap on my face, and I reel back.
“Major, don’t—” Derrick says, but I surprise myself when I stand.
“What else could it be? You’re afraid of your own feelings as if you can be spared just because you won’t touch me? How’s that working for you?”
Something breaks at that moment, he lets out a sound from the back of his throat, something that isn’t quite a word, but before I can press him and ask for more of a response, he walks away.
Coward.
“Fuck no,” I curse and reach for the slip dress I had on before, now abandoned in a heap on the floor.
“Veda, let him be,” Jesse tries to stop me, a hand over my arm.
“No, I’m done letting him be,” I shake his hold as my eyes flick from Jesse to Derrick. “Don’t interrupt us. I know what I’m doing.”
