And Major?
He avoids my eyes, looking at the table as if it were the most interesting thing he has ever seen. Good for him. If he can hide from feelings, he might as well. It’s horrible to feel it all at once. I know all too well.
“It wasn’t his place to say anything,” Derrick says.
“I know.” I move closer to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “I’m going to—”
The words get stuck in my throat. I have nothing to do in my bedroom, but I need to get away from here. From them.
They don’t move when I turn.
They don’t call my name to tell me that what Dominic says isn’t true. That I am theirs and they are mine.
As I make my way to my bedroom in a rush, I realize this is what I want to hear. I want them to defy everything and promise to be mine. But they don’t give me that, and I can’t ask more of them.
thirty-one
Derrick
“What the fuck was going through your mind bringing that fucker here?”
Before this moment, when I closed my eyes, I could still see her under the sunflower shade, smiling pretty at me. The taste of her lips lingered on mine, but now it’s all soured.
Hurt sours my stomach, blinding me for just a second, and suddenly, I’m at my brother’s throat. I pin Major against the kitchen cabinets, my hand over his neck, and I look right into his eyes, so similar to mine. Yet his are full of fucking secrets, and I can’t take it anymore.
“I had to report it!” Major struggles against my hold.
It’s a fucking joke that my bad hand is holding him back. My fingers hurt like a fucker, twitching with the strong hold, but I don’t care about the pain radiating up my arm. It fits right in with the pain of having a brother who can’t fucking talk.
“You should have told us, Major,” Jesse says. “How many times do we have to go through this?”
“I just did what I had to do. I didn’t want you to be burdened with this.”
Anger is hot traveling through my veins, commanding my moves. I smash his head against the cabinets in frustration and let go. Major falls in a heap at my feet. He’s a big man, so I’m surprised he let me keep him pinned for this long.
“I kept quiet because it’s not my business how you lead your pack. I’m just your fucked-up brother and a freeloader, but she changes things, Major.”
Major massages his throat as he raises his eyes to me. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means we agreed to keep her safe! Bringing an Alpha over isn’t fucking safe. It doesn’t matter if he works for the Alliance—”
“I fucking get that.” He stands up, eyes narrowed. “Not that. The part about not being part of the pack.”
Something shifts in the air, and for the first time, I realize that the scowl he was wearing hid all the hurt. I turn to Jesse, trying to find someone to translate whatever this is, but he shakes his head. So this is between my brother and me? I don’t like that, since we can rarely speak two words without misunderstanding each other.
“How can you say you’re not part of this pack?” My brother’s tone shifts to something softer, full of hurt.
“Because I’m not. I know that. You dragged me here after my injury. You never chose me. Neither of you. I’m just here.”
My skin feels too tight as I say it. I don’t enjoy being this vulnerable. We’ve never had this conversation before, mostly because it hurts me to be an intruder. As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with everything I lost, this has always been the gap between us.
“I choose you every day, Brother.”
I don’t dare look at Jesse’s reaction to this as I can barely bear my own. Major shakes his head. “I went back to Mom’s to take youbecause youbelonghere. Not because of some misguided familial obligation, but because we’re apack.”
“You’ve never said anything,” I croak out.
“That’s true,” Jesse says, sitting once again, relaxing against the chair. “It’s not like it’s just on him.”
