“This is beautiful.”
It sounds sincere. I want to ask what made her so emotional, but I decide not to. She already gave too much of herself today.
I guide her a little closer to the patch. “It’s almost time for harvest.”
When we arrive at the first row, she has to crane her neck to see the yellow petals properly. The flowers are taller than her, taller than me even, shading us like a yellow parasol.
“This is incredible, Jesse. Thank you for showing me this.”
My name on her tongue feels so good that I shiver shamelessly. She looks at me with a funny expression, but thankfully doesn’t ask why I’m shivering under the sun. I don’t think I’m able to put into words the things she does to me.
It hasn’t been less than a week since Veda entered my life, but I know I’m beyond fucked. She can crush me with her hands if she likes; she can do with me whatever she pleases. It’s too early, so I don’t share all that with her. My feelings don’t taste good, but I swallow them anywayand bring Veda inside the patch, showing her a few tricks to check if the plants are healthy.
“Is this all going to a flower shop?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Mostly goes to your grandfather. He needs the fiber from the stalk.”
Veda’s mouth falls open. “He takes them apart?”
Her hands reach for the nearest sunflower, the pad of her fingers brushing over the hairy stalk, frowning as if I just told her that her grandfather likes to kill puppies. It’s a strong reaction from someone who doesn’t seem to care about her own tragedies.
“I wish I could say each flower is going to be admired for what they are, but…”
“Of course, it is he who takes them apart.” True bitterness rings out in her tone for the first time. “Why do people love to destroy beautiful things?”
By people, I know she meanshim. I can’t give her an answer because I’m starting to wonder the same.
eleven
Veda
Iended up on a sunflower ranch.
The image of the beautiful flowers growing tall to reach the sun warms my heart now, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if this was part of Grandpa’s torture. A calculated move to make sure the lesson sinks deep.
Sending me to look at sunflowers when I wanted to name my daughter after the very same flower? Cruel genius. But then I remembered that Mirasol only had a name in my mind, and I brushed the suspicion aside.
Sunflowers were always my absolute favorite, so when I read the name in a romance book while I was pregnant, I knew it was her name.Mirasol.I called her Sol in my head, the perfect nickname for the little growing peanut that became my whole life.
Grandpa said I wasn’t allowed to name the baby about a million times, so I knew nothing was going to come from it. And if I were ever to keep her, he wouldn’t let me name her after a flower in a romance book. All the girly things he despises about me. Despite the warnings,that became her name. Even now that she’s not moving inside my belly, I can’t think of her as anything but Mirasol.
That night, I dream about my daughter, but for the first time, it’s not about her distraught shrieks as we were separated. This is a happy dream about us chasing and playing right in the middle of the sunflowers.
I wake up in the best mood, and I move to the kitchen, happy when I find slightly burned gluten-free pancakes waiting for me. Jesse made them. I don’t give a damn if they are burnt. I eat them all with a smile on my face.
My mood might be on the rise, but my body is not feeling its best. I’m still lactating, my breasts are like bricks, so hard that my nipples get stiff and visible even under multiple layers. Everywhere else I’m tender. I feel like I’ve been beaten to a pulp. My muscles cry every time I move, but I’m careful as I round the kitchen, making sure they can’t see how much everything hurts.
“You’ll be going with me today,” Major barks the minute I finish my plate.
“I can bring her around for animals,” Jesse offers.
Major shakes his head, not even listening to what the other cowboy has to say. I don’t want to show weakness even though it would be wise to do so. I tip my chin high, wave away Jesse’s concern, and follow Major out of the house.
His steps are larger than mine, so I have to practically run to keep up with him, which makes my breasts hurt even more. I grimace, but I keep pushing. I don’t want to give him or anyone the impression I can’t work hard. I can do whatever I want. Also, taking care of the animals did wonders for my mental health.
For the first time in weeks, I had something to pay attention to rather than the voices screaming inside, and after all that work, I wasso exhausted I slept like a baby. And had a good dream instead of a nightmare. The pros of Wilde Ranch keep stacking up, I’m sure whatever chore Major has reserved for me will rejuvenate me just as much.
He leads me to the barn where they keep the goats, cows, and pigs. The goats are the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I hop to their pen with a huge smile on my face.
