Glenn’s sad smile doesn’t match what I’d expect. “Look, I probably shouldn’t say this, but I’m going to anyway. Because it’s what I’d want someone to say to me. Even if I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Um, okay?” I’m not sure where he’s going with this.
“Even though we’ll do our best to make sure you’re ready to play—because that’s our job—it doesn’t mean it’s what we think you should do.”
“What do you mean?” I feel like I’ve spent my whole day asking that same question.
He lets out a slow breath. “I can’t speak for the rest of the medical staff, but if I were in your shoes, I would retire.”
I lean back slightly, taken off guard by his blunt delivery. “Because you think I won’t be able to play at the same level?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Because every time you’re on the ice, you’re damaging your hip in a way that may never heal. Your labrum won’t ever return to normal. Your tendons are already degenerating, and they’re not going to recover under the strain of training. Even if you make it through the season, which isn’t even close to a guarantee, you’ll have fucked your hip up forever. And for what?”
I nod. “I see.”
“No, it was a real question, Kane. For what? I truly don’t understand. You’re thirty-four. You’ve had an amazing career. You’ve won a championship.” He rubs his eyes. “I get continuing to play until your body makes you stop. But your body isscreamingat you to. I just don’t get what you’re getting out of one more season.”
I understand where he’s coming from, I really do. And even though I don’t owe it to him, there’s a feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe I should tell him my truth.
Not that he needs a confession. We’re not friends or teammates.
“I’ve never been team captain and won the Cup,” I offer, hoping that will be enough to explain it.
He snorts, and then, with a glance at my face, widens his eyes. “Oh. Okay. I… Okay.” There’s a pause. “But to be clear,that’swhy you’re about to endure years where you are in pain every time you move?”
The anger at his judgment hits me hard and fast, but I shove it deep. Who gives a fuck what Glenn thinks about my decision?
“Well, if that’s all,” I start, pushing back from the table.
Glenn stands, too, a look of horror on his face. “I apologize, Kane. That was out of line. Your reasons are your own; it’s not my job to judge you for them. I promise, I’ll make sure you’re ready to go for next season. We’ll get you exactly what you want.”
I dip my chin in acknowledgement before leaving the room. I might not turn him in for the comment, but it doesn’t mean I need to hang around and make him feel better for it, either.
He’s right. It’s not his place to judge my reasoning. And I will get exactly what I want: A championship as the team captain.
Except, as I think about it, I start to realize that maybe it isn’texactlywhat I want. Because I also want the woman I can’t have. The one I still dream about most nights. And more than that, I want a life after hockeywith her. I want to stay with her in a cabin and be able to go hiking with her without pain. I want to be able to throw our babies into the air and—
Oh, fuck. I shake my head.
I am not making a life-changing decision based on a future dark-haired baby with ice-blue eyes and a wide smile.
I’mnot.
Chapter 44
Beckett
“Didyouhearthenews?” Larsen asks, barging into my apartment as soon as I open the door.
I follow as he strides past my kitchen and through the living room to stare out my windows. I’m too interested in what has him so worked up to acknowledge anything but a fleeting annoyance that he’s in my apartment. “What news?”
Please don’t let it be about my hip.
I haven’t had enough time to process that information, let alone talk about it with a rookie who might have a decade left to play.
There’s another knock, and Larsen flicks a hand at it like this is his apartment and I’m his personal door opener.
“Dude! You left me!” Li exclaims, glaring at his friend. “You literally ran to the elevator and hit the close door button.”
