Susannah.
He made his way to her. The stones of the church floor had long ago been taken up in the transept, and it was all grass and dirt here. Still, he was careful of his knees as he lowered himself to the ground in front of her.
Susannah.
She kept her eyes down and said nothing, so he spoke first.
“I’ve been to Much Wemby. Wedding breakfast preparations going on there for your brother and the innkeeper’s daughter.”
“Yes. Tomorrow.” Still, she kept her eyes averted.
“And your brother did not thrash me as I expected. Instead, he told me where your cottage was, and I was on my way there, but as I passed this place,” he waved at the walls, “I wondered if you might be here. I became sure you must be.”
She looked at him for just a moment, her gray hair darkfrom the rain and clinging to her skull. Then she looked away again.
“And you were right,” she said.
“Susannah, why did you run away from me?”
Her fingers touched the stone next to her. He could just make out the letters PVDDLEWICK carved there.
“Puddlewick,” he said, to say something.
“The mason’s mark, I always thought,” she said.
“Why, Susannah?”
She shook her head.
“Look at me,” he said.
“I can’t, I can’t,” she cried out, writhing as if in pain.
He heaved himself up onto his knees and leaned forward and settled his hands on her shoulders. Firmly, but not tightly. Her body immediately stilled even as her head kept turning from side to side, her eyes avoiding his.
“Why can’t you look at me?” he asked.
“You’ll see me, you’ll see me!” Her voice was full of anguish.
“No, Susannah. You’ll see me.”
Slowly, her head turned towards him, and her eyes met his.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He attempted a smile. “Am I so horrible to look on, then?”
“No. You know you’re not. But, also, yes. Horrible, like a god of judgment.”
“You’ve looked on many gods?”
“No. But I have looked on many people who sat in judgment of me.”
“I won’t judge you.” Then, “I killed a man.”
He hadn’t known he was going to say it until the moment he did. He had thought he would die with that secret untold to anyone. He certainly didn’t think he would tell it to a woman whose love he sought.
Her forehead wrinkled. “You were a soldier.”
