“Why is that?”
“You know why.”
She smiled. “So I will touch your head?”
“Yes, and because you said I was handsome without the wig.”
“You’re handsome with or without. But I prefer without.”
He set the board up with her as White and she made her first move.
“You know, when you touched my head for the first time, I was well and truly lost.” He moved a black pawn.
“Not when you first kissed me?”
He looked at her, suddenly afraid of upsetting her. “What’s the right answer?”
“The truth.”
“I loved kissing you. But when you rubbed my head, I wanted to worship you,” he admitted.
Phoebe giggled. Then grew serious. “You weren’t attracted to me before that? You didn’t see me that way?”
“Ididsee you that way before. But you were far too young. And my appetite for you felt very shameful. And your father constantly reminded me of my duty to protect you, including from myself.”
“But I grew up.”
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t see me as a woman?”
“I can’t explain it. But I think I must have.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Have you ever wondered why you were twenty-two and still unmarried?”
She bit her lip and looked away and trembled.
“No, Phee. I didn’t mean—I mean to say it’s my fault.”
“How could that be? I had almost four Seasons with no suitors. My only dances were with you or your friends or my relatives.”
“But that’s my doing. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I’ve been told by lots of people that I kept other men away from you.”
“What?”
“I’ve been told I was very threatening.”
“You were?”
“And everyone thought you were mine so they stayed away. That’s why you didn’t get a suitor until I missed so many balls last May when I was back here. Because of the floods.”
“Oh.”
“So I was saving you for myself all those years. I didn’t know it, really, but I was. See, I told you I was a selfish arse.”
“I don’t feel well.” She stood and he did too, but before he could get around to her side of the table, she had fled the room.
