And then he was quiet.
It was true, he told himself, he wasn’t drunk. But the alcohol and the pain and then the merciful liberation from the pain combined with her wildness had released some inhibition in him. He wanted her close, as close as possible. What he would do with that closeness, he did not know. But he had no care for the future. He only knew he wanted her with him. Now.
And suddenly, it seemed stupid not to call her Arabella. She wanted it from him, why would he not give it to her? And, of course, to haveherkiss him like that. What man would reject that?
I would, he realized.I did. She would have given me everything in the carriage that morning before the snow.
He thought about sitting up but it seemed impossible to do so.
Damn me. Damn that man I was two days ago. Damn the man I was just an hour ago.
And then he did feel very drunk.
And he slept.
He might have dreamt it but at one point he thought Arabella bent low over his chest and put her nose and mouth into the part of his chest not covered by the swathe and inhaled.
And when he woke, the room was empty.
Twenty-Five
Arabella knocked on Rebecca’s door again.
“May I sit in your bedchamber with you?”
Rebecca drew her into the room immediately, her forehead creased with concern.
“Of course. But why?”
“The doctor and I have become estranged. I do not want to be with all the other guests, and yet I don’t want to be alone.”
Arabella was glad to sit down by the fire with her friend. The brown scarf was in her hands and she folded and unfolded it.
“You and the doctor? That makes me very unhappy.”
“You may have guessed, but we are not married.”
“I thought perhaps you just did not have a ring yet.”
“No.”
“So you are his mistress? He is already married?”
“No! No. You should not think anything ill of him. He is not married, and he would never take a mistress. He would be the most faithful of husbands.” Arabella’s throat closed up and her last words were choked.
“I hear you defending him but not yourself.”
Arabella got up and walked around her friend’s bedchamber.
“In truth, I cannot defend myself. If I had had my way, the doctor and I would have ... I would not care. Married or unmarried, I would be his mistress a thousand times over.”
“I don’t understand. If he has no wife, why are you two not married? He adores you. I can see it, Arabella. It’s no good denying it.”
Arabella stopped pacing. “He has not asked me yet. And now I feel sure he won’t. We have only just met again. And I have found that the doctor ... I don’t know how to explain this. The doctor does not believe in female desire.”
Rebecca laughed. “So, you will teach him.”
“You don’t understand, Rebecca.”
