We walk a few more steps before I confess, ‘Me too.’
‘Really? I got the impression you were having regrets. Your texts have kind of dried up this week.’
I can hardly look at him. ‘I’m trying not to set myself up for heartache, Zach,’ I say gently.
He nods thoughtfully.
‘Well, I’ve also been thinking a lot about heartache. And about you and me. And I was wondering . . .’ Then his feet slow as he turns to look at me. ‘Could we make this work long-distance, Lisa?’
I raise my eyebrows. ‘So I’d beSleepless in Salford?’
This at least makes him laugh.
The possibility of keeping something going between Zach and me has obviously occurred to me. More than occurred. I desperately want our story not to end here when it’s only just begun. He already feels like one of those rare humans who you meet every so often and just know you want them in your life forever. Him not being here feels so wrong I don’t know where to begin.
Equally, let’s be sensible here. We are no star-crossed lovers.
‘I don’t know, Zach,’ I say quietly.
The disappointment on his face needles me in the side.
‘This wouldn’t be like having a relationship with someone in another state. We’re talking about anothercontinent.’
He looks at the ground and gives an unconvincing nod.
‘Also, I would beterribleat sexting,’ I add.
He gives a sideways smile. ‘You managed to get me very hot under the collar the other night . . .’
‘Must have been a fluke. Maybe this is a generational thing, but I couldn’t bring myself to take a photo that I wouldn’t be prepared to show my grandma.’
‘What if I said I was prepared to live with the mystique? To just . . . use my imagination?’ he says, clearly refusing to continue with this deviation. ‘If you were prepared to give this a go then—’
‘Zach,’ I say, as I stop and turn to him. ‘I don’t think it’s fair of either of us to just hang on in there, our emotions suspended on two sides of the globe. I don’t think it would be good for us. Do you?’
As the words come out of my mouth, I still can’t muster up any conviction for them. That’s not to say I don’t believe what I’m saying. I know this isn’t just the sensible route. It’s the only route.
He blows out his cheeks. ‘You know you should be completely unbearable, beingrightthis often. Somehow, Darling, you get away with it.’
I release a ‘pthwh’ sound. ‘Well, if ever there was evidence that you really don’t know me very well, it’s that . . .’
We start to walk again and after a few steps, I feel something brush against my wrist. We can’t hold hands in public, so he simply locks his forefinger privately with mine. Even with this one tiny connection, it has fired up nerve endings throughout my whole body. I feel a shot of heat behind my eyes.
‘I know enough,’ he says under his breath, then he lets go. We are suddenly in front of our building.
‘Okay. Well, before you go and break my heart, Darling, would you be willing to let me cook for you this weekend? Could you get a babysitter?’
A big smile filters across my face. ‘Russo, I would love that.’
Chapter 47
To-do list
Ask Brendan to have kids for the weekend
