‘And a week ago she just woke up back in her real life.’ The very idea makes me feel sick. What is going through her mind right now? How is she explaining the situation to herself, reconciling the huge blank space where the last six weeks should have been?
Tyler thinks quietly for a few moments, his hand reaching as if of its own accord towards the pastries. He shreds one into smaller pieces. But then he spots me watching and his cheeks flare red. ‘Sorry …’ he says self-consciously, covering his mouth with his hand. His eyes glitter. This is my Tyler, the one who I have learned to trust in every universe. Although I do wish I didn’t find watching him eat a fucking croissant quite so appealing. Now is not the time or the place for those kinds of thoughts.
‘You know …’ he says eventually, brushing the crumbs from his thighs – ahh, why am I thinking about his thighs? – ‘the answer is kind of staring at us in the face.’ He sounds matter-of-fact. Actually, he sounds like the same old arrogant Tyler Adams I’ve met in every other world. It’s almost endearing how easily he has pulled the cloak of his genius around his shoulders and settled into this new role like he’s been waiting his whole life for this moment. I think about his comment, that he is happy in this world and perhaps the other Tylers weren’t. But seeing him now, I can see how much he loves to feel like he’s the cleverest person in the room. He’s relishing this. This is the Tyler he was born to be.
But I keep that thought to myself and instead spread my hands out. ‘Perhaps you could enlighten me then.’
He shrugs, like it’s nothing, like he’s about to solveeverything without even breaking a sweat and it’s all just child’s play to him. ‘You just do exactly what this world’s Bethany did.’
I pause with my cup of practically cold coffee halfway to my lips. Because of course he’s right. The answer is so obvious I never even considered it.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Tyler is already late for work and so we’re forced to say goodbye, promising to meet again tomorrow morning.
‘Thank you,’ I tell him, desperate to hug him but knowing that this Tyler would find that deeply uncomfortable.
‘I’m just glad I can help,’ he says with a smile. Then suddenly he leans down and kisses me on the cheek, resting his hands for a second on my shoulders. I want to savour the moment, but all too quickly it’s over. He turns and walks away, leaving me buzzing in the street outside the café.
This Tyler is so different to the others, but also so similar. I’ve missed having him in my life. That calming influence and the smile that makes my heart skip a beat.
My phone rings as I walk towards the train station. Nick. I don’t answer; I’m not letting him break my mood.
I’m going home. Back to my world and my Cesca and my job and all my beautiful books. I almost break into a dance right there on St John’s Hill.
Nick leaves a voicemail. And then sends me a stream of text messages, my phone vibrating in my bag.
Where are you?
You didn’t say goodbye this morning.
What’s going on?
You’re not still upset about last night are you?
I touch my fingers to my cheek, the skin warming at the memory of his slap. Luckily it didn’t leave a mark and so I haven’t needed to explain myself to anyone. Especially Tyler.
You know how angry you make me sometimes.
He’s blaming me. Making it my fault he hit me. And my sense it wasn’t the first time is obviously correct.
Don’t be like this, BeeBee. You know I love you.
He is the only person to ever call me BeeBee and the nickname makes my skin crawl.
Just message back so I know you aren’t mad at me.
He hasn’t said sorry.
I buy myself a cinnamon bun the size of a baby’s head from the cake shop on the station platform. I’m celebrating. Nick isn’t my problem any more. Or at least he won’t be for much longer.
The outskirts of London fall away to reveal suburbia, mile upon mile of the back gardens of Victorian semis. I wonder about the people who live in them, if they’re happy. The cinnamon bun melts on my tongue, sugar coating my lips.
But the closer I get to Reigate, the more my brain moves into overdrive and the confidence I felt with Tyler starts todissipate. Is it really that easy to go home? Just simply copy this world’s Bethany?
What happens if we’re wrong?
Where could I end up?
