‘It’s what my Bethany always used to say.’
We straighten up the storage unit, clearing away the wrappers from lunch and sweeping up the crumbs I dropped on the floor. With my back to Amina, I finally pluck up the courage to ask her the question that’s been burning a hole in my brain since the moment I woke up from the coma. ‘Why did I marry him here in this world?’
‘Why didn’t you in yours?’ she replies, as if that’s a good answer.
‘Because I realized he was awful.’
‘How?’
‘There was this thing that did the rounds on Twitter at the time. Cesca was obsessed with this account that would post all the worst shit that men did, like it’s literally just trash takes. She would read them all and seethe and rage, but then she would take that fire and use it to make the world a better place. It was like fuel for her.’
‘Tammys_Tales?’ Amina asks.
‘Yes!’
‘Big fan.’
‘Right. So Tammys_Tales posted this video of a woman at her graduation ceremony. She looked so proud standing waiting for her turn, like this huge smile on her face over such a massive achievement. But then her boyfriend comesbounding onto the stage and right there, in the middle of the greatest moment of her career, he proposes.’
‘Yeah, I remember that one.’
‘So, in my world, Cesca sent me the tweet and I remember watching it and I thought,aww that’s kind of sweet. And then I read all the comments and I realized it wasn’t sweet. It was controlling; he took her light and shone it back on himself. Like he couldn’t even let her have that one day.’
Amina nods. I’m assuming she knows where this story is going.
‘So then, on the day of my master’s graduation, Nick bounds up on the stage and proposes. This huge grin on his face like this is the best idea he’s ever had and I am about to be the luckiest girl alive. In my world, I told him to fuck off.’
Amina sucks in a breath. ‘You actually said that?’
‘Yep. In front of the dean, and my parents, and every single person I’d studied with.’
‘Wow!’
‘Yeah. But in this world …’ I spread my arms out. ‘Well, I’m married to him. There’s a picture of my engagement ring in the same frame as my graduation photo.’
‘Here you did not tell him to fuck off.’
‘Exactly. But why not?’
‘Perhaps you didn’t see the tweet?’
She makes it sounds so simple. But could it really be that banal? My whole life changed because I didn’t see a fucking tweet? ‘Cesca sent it because she was stuck on a train that had lost power. She was there for four hours and didn’t have much else to do but scroll Twitter and send me memes. She was travelling back from having lunch with me. We’d debated having another drink, but Cesca said we should probably be sensible. She was meant to be going on a date that night and she didn’t want to miss it. But I convinced her to stay and so she was on the train when the power went out.’
‘So what if in this world she got the earlier train?’
‘Yeah. She wouldn’t have sent me the video. I wouldn’t have had my epiphany. I would still have married Nick.’
‘So one tiny choice created this whole ripple.’
‘Crazy huh?’
‘Yeah.’
‘But,’ I add, ‘not as crazy as why this Bethany is still married to him after all this time.’
Amina is quiet for a moment. ‘She didn’t want to be,’ she says quietly. ‘She hated him. But she needed him.’
I think of the prenup, the fact that he had found a way to make sure she couldn’t leave. ‘I would still have run.’
