‘Ohh … kayy … Well, let go of me and then we’ll get caffeine and sugar and you can tell me what the hell is going on.’
I release her, but I can’t stop sneaking glances at her profile as she drives. My Cesca. I’m trying to act cool, like this is just another day, but inside I’m reeling. I’m finally home and everything seems bigger and brighter than I remember it, but at the same time also like none of this is actually real.
Cesca pulls into the car park outside the Pancake House and switches off the engine. Her shoulders stiffen in the way that signifies she’s about to say something serious. ‘Bethany, you know I love you?’
Uh-oh. This soundsveryserious. ‘Yes,’ I reply, my voice small.
‘And I know these last two months have been a difficult time for you.’
I hold my breath and wait for her to continue. What did the other Bethany do while she was cosplaying my life?
‘You’ve been acting out of character a bit and maybe you did some things …’ She pulls a face.
What things?I want to ask. But also, I’m not sure I want to know. I stay quiet, the look on her face says she hasn’t finished speaking, but she’s just trying to find the right words.
‘But today,’ she continues, ‘you seem … I can’t put my finger on it. But … is everything okay? Or has something happened and you’re about to go batshit again?’ The last sentence comes out in a rush of words and emotion.
I clear my throat. ‘Let’s go inside and get some breakfast. There’s something I need to tell you.’
She looks worried, that deep worry where you think the world is about to end.
‘I think it will explain some things,’ I say, trying to sound reassuring.
We’ve barely sat down when the waitress brings over two frothy cappuccinos with powdered chocolate in the shape of a house.
‘The usual?’ she asks Cesca with a grin.
‘Please,’ she replies.
I wait for her to leave us and then lean forward in my seat.‘She’s got it bad for you,’ I tell Cesca, motioning my head towards the waitress.
‘She has not.’
‘She has.’
‘Really?’ Cesca spins round in her seat to look at her. The waitress waves in an adorably dorky way. ‘She’s cute.’
‘You should ask her out.’
‘Maybe …’ Cesca says, and I catch the flicker of a smile. But then her demeanour changes and she sits up straight, clasps her hands in front of her on the table and stares at me. ‘So tell me,’ she demands.
I reach into my bag and pull out the She-Ra notebook with ‘Für die Ehre von Grayskull’ written across the front.
‘I thought you’d lost that,’ Cesca says, motioning towards it.
I’d found it tucked in one of the kitchen drawers, under a pile of takeaway menus and other such detritus. I guess the other Bethany didn’t use it; she wouldn’t have understood the context of the joke. I open it up to the page where I wrote the theorem for the first time just under two months ago and then turn it to show Cesca.
‘What is this?’ she asks, pulling it closer towards her and squinting at the page.
‘You remember the work I was doing?’
‘Yeah …’ she replies. ‘But then you said it was dumb and stopped working on it. Said you had something better.’
Oh really?So that Bethany came here and dissed my work? Fuck that. ‘I solved it. The theorem.’
‘When?’ She looks up from the page and narrows her eyes at me.
‘Seven weeks ago.’
