She shook herself. No. No negative thoughts. Everything was going to be fine. The fundraiser would be brilliant, the children would have a wonderful time, they'd save the library, and Jamie would smile again soon. She just had to keep going. Keep organizing. Keep fixing things.
"You look exhausted."
Annabelle jumped, nearly knocking over her mug. Lily stood in the doorway, letting herself in with the spare key Annabelle had given her for emergencies.
"I'm fine," Annabelle said automatically, straightening up and attempting what she hoped was a bright smile. "Just planning. Lots to do. Very exciting."
Lily came fully into the kitchen and sat down across from her, studying her with an expression that meant Annabelle was about to get The Talk.
"Annabelle."
"Lily."
"Why do you do this to yourself?"
"Do what?" Annabelle asked, though she had a sinking feeling she knew exactly what.
"This." Lily gestured at the table, the lists, the schedules, the three different notebooks all open to pages covered in Annabelle's slightly manic handwriting. "You're running yourself into the ground. You're barely sleeping. You're managing every single detail of this fundraiser while still teaching full-time and trying to help every child who needs it."
"Someone has to," Annabelle said, hearing the defensive edge in her own voice. "The fundraiser won't organize itself."
"No, but you have a committee. You have volunteers. You don't have to do everything."
"I'm not doing everything."
Lily raised an eyebrow.
"I'm not," Annabelle insisted. "Gloria's handling the performance, Blossom's managing the raffle, Daisy's done all the publicity…"
"And you're coordinating all of them, plus managing the children's rehearsals, plus checking every single detail five times, plus staying up until midnight painting signs and organizing donation boxes."
Annabelle looked down at her tea. "I just want it to be perfect."
"Why?"
"Because…" She trailed off. Because the library mattered. Because the children deserved it. Because if she could just make this work, if she could just save this one thing, then maybe…
"Because what if it's not enough?" The words came out quieter than she'd intended. "What if we don't raise the money? What if the library closes anyway? What if I've put everyone through all of this and it doesn't make any difference?"
"Annabelle," Lily's voice was gentle now. "You can't control everything. You can't fix everything."
"I know that." Except she didn't really believe it, did she? She'd spent her whole life believing that if you just tried hardenough, if you were kind enough, if you smiled through the difficult bits, everything would work out fine in the end.
But lately, she was starting to wonder.
"You're allowed to be tired," Lily said. "You're allowed to ask for help. You're allowed to admit when something is too much."
"I'm fine," Annabelle said again, but this time her voice cracked slightly on the word.
Lily reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "You don't have to be fine all the time, you know."
Annabelle felt tears prickling behind her eyes and blinked them back determinedly. "The fundraiser is in two weeks. I just need to get through the next two weeks, and then everything will be… it'll be fine. It will."
Lily looked like she wanted to say more, but instead she just squeezed Annabelle's hand again and stood up. "I'm making you dinner. Proper dinner. And you're going to eat it and go to bed at a reasonable hour."
"I have lists to finish…"
"The lists can wait."
