She walked away before Nina could apologize again, before the carefully constructed smile could crack, before anyone could see that hearing about Raven looking happy in London at recording sessions, without her, without even a response to her letter, was like a knife between her ribs.
Raven was fine. Recording her album. Living her life. Looking happy.
And Annabelle was here, pretending she wasn't falling apart.
"Annabelle." Lily appeared at her side, looking concerned in that way that meant she'd noticed Annabelle wasn't fine. "Come here for a second."
"I'm fine," Annabelle said automatically.
"Bathroom. Now."
Lily didn't wait for an answer, just took Annabelle's arm and steered her toward the small bathroom at the back of the library. Annabelle went, because arguing with Lily when she was in headteacher mode was pointless.
The bathroom was tiny and smelled like the industrial cleaner they'd used yesterday, and as soon as the door closed behind them, Annabelle's carefully constructed composure crumbled.
"I can't do this," she whispered.
"Yes, you can."
"No, I really can't. Jamie asked if Raven was coming back and I didn't know what to tell him and Nina says she’s in London, Lily. She's at recording sessions and she looks happy and I sent her that letter and she never responded and I don't know what I expected but…"
"Breathe," Lily said firmly, taking both of Annabelle's shoulders. "Breathe."
Annabelle breathed. It came out shaky and wet and probably not very effective, but she tried.
"You sent the letter," Lily said. "That was brave. That was honest. That was you being real instead of trying to fix everything. That's enough."
"But she didn't…"
"Sometimes people are in your life to teach you something," Lily interrupted gently. "And if Raven taught you to be more honest about the not-perfect things, about the messy things, about the things that hurt… then that needs to be enough. You don't need her to respond. You just needed to be honest. You need to be responsible for you, not for everyone else. You’ve done what you needed to do to make yourself accountable, to make yourself a better person, and that has to be enough, Annabelle."
Annabelle wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. Her mascara was probably ruined. "I feel so stupid."
"You're not stupid. You're human. And you're allowed to be sad about this."
"But everyone's out there and I need to…"
"Everyone out there knows you worked your arse off for this library. They're not going to care if you've been crying. They're going to care that you saved their children's library." Lily squeezed her shoulders. "You did that, Annabelle. Not Raven. You. Give yourself some credit."
Annabelle nodded, even though her throat was too tight to speak.
"Right." Lily handed her a tissue from her pocket. "Fix your face. We've got a library to reopen."
By the time they emerged from the bathroom, Annabelle had managed to pull herself back together. Her smile was in place,her shoulders were back, and if her eyes were a little red, well, she could blame it on allergies or emotion or literally anything other than the truth.
The library was packed now. Children sitting cross-legged on the floor, parents standing around the edges, villagers chatting in clusters. Gloria was holding court near the refreshment table, no doubt taking credit for something. Daisy was bouncing excitedly near the door. Arty caught Annabelle's eye from across the room and gave her a small, encouraging nod.
Blossom appeared next to her with a cup of tea. "You look like you need this."
"I look that bad?"
"You look like someone who's been up since four and crying in the bathroom." Blossom's smile was kind. "Drink the tea. It helps."
Annabelle took the tea gratefully and tried not to cry again because people kept being nice to her.
Lily moved to the front of the room, and the chatter gradually died down. She didn't need to raise her voice or clap her hands. She just stood there with the quiet authority of someone who'd been herding children for twenty years, and everyone settled.
"Right then," Lily said. "Thank you all for coming. I'll keep this brief because I know you're all eager to get back to the tea and biscuits."
