"I tried to help."
"You tried to fix the media crisis your way without asking Raven what she needed," Lily said. "You assumed you knew best. Just like you assumed you knew what was best for Jamie when you brought Raven into his life without asking either of them what they wanted. Maybe if you'd just been honest about being scared instead of trying to solve everything…"
"I didn't know how," Annabelle whispered.
"I know." Lily's expression softened. "But pretending everything's okay when it's not doesn't protect anyone. It just means everyone's guessing, and usually guessing wrong."
Annabelle stared at her tea. The surface rippled slightly from her trembling hands.
"What am I supposed to do?" she asked finally. "She's gone."
"Tell her how you feel. Actually tell her. Not in some cheerful, understanding way where you give her permission to leave. Tell her honestly that you're not okay with this. That you have feelings. Real ones. Messy ones."
"And then what? She still has to work. She still has her career."
"Maybe. Or maybe she's been making assumptions too." Lily leaned forward. "You can't make her stay, Annabelle. But you can stop pretending you're fine with her leaving."
Annabelle closed her eyes. The thought of writing to Raven, of being that honest, that vulnerable, made her feel like she was standing on the edge of a cliff.
But she'd tried being perfect. Tried fixing everything. Tried making it easy for Raven to leave.
And it had got her exactly nowhere.
"Okay," she whispered.
"Okay?"
"I'll tell her. I'll write to her."
"Good." Lily stood. "Now go home. Get some rest. And tomorrow, instead of making lists, write that letter."
THAT EVENING, ANNABELLE sat at her kitchen table with her laptop and a blinking cursor.
She'd started four times already. Each time, she'd got two lines in before the instinct to make it easy, to be understanding, to fix things had taken over and she'd deleted everything.
Dear Raven, I hope you're well in London. I'm so glad the solo opportunity is working out…
No.
Raven, I wanted you to know that I understand why you left…
No.
Hi, I know you're busy but I just wanted to say…
God, no.
She put down the pen and stared at the blank screen.
Stop trying to fix it. Stop trying to be perfect.
Just be honest.
She took a breath.
Raven,
I'm not okay.
