“Okay,” I finally manage to say, “but I really do need to leave. Oscar’s with Mrs. Mitchell and I need to rescue her.”
“How about I take you both out for dinner?” he asks, kissing my forehead. “If I stay here by myself, I’ll only panic that you’re going to change your mind.”
My gaze darts to his face, and I can see he’s really anxious. “I’m sorry I made you worry. It’s just a lot, you know,” I reply with a shrug, then add, “But yes, we’d love to have dinner with you.”
Theo kisses me again and goes to get dressed, leaving me to figure out whether I’m going to throw everything I have into this relationship or remove myself from it entirely.
Both Oscar and I laughed more tonight than we have in a long time. After picking up a very excited nine-year-old, Theo drove us to Nova’s, a little Italian restaurant in the city. I fell in love with the rustic feel to it the moment we walked in. Red-checkered tablecloths lined the tables, with low lighting making the place look romantic, along with memorabilia from Italy and the smell of good cooking. I was taken aback by the elderly couple who came charging out to meet Theo and began talking animatedly to him. I laughed as he blushed and apologized for not having been in for a while.
Oscar sits opposite us, talking non-stop to his dad while I relax and watch. My heart is full, and so is my stomach after consuming way too much pasta and garlic bread.
His hand lands on my thigh, and I grip it tightly. Earlier, I think I was afraid to face how much I still love him and how much I fear he’ll leave again. My worry isn’t as intense as his, but it hasn’t vanished either. He’s only ever given, he’s never taken from me, and I have to start believing in him when he tells me he’s not going anywhere again. Theo is such a gentle soul, one who deserves absolutely everything, and I want to give him that. I want to give him the stability I know he’s so desperate for. That we’rebothso desperate for.
Oscar’s friend from school arrives with his parents and asks to go over. I agree, keeping one eye on him as I murmur to Theo, “I didn’t think you wanted a family.”
He sighs heavily. “Honestly? I didn’t think I did either until you guys showed up. I’m so terrified of ending up like my mom and stepdad that I’ve shied away from it, especially after what happenedwith us. But now? I can’t unsee it. Having a child is the unconditional love I’ve always needed but never knew. Does that make sense?”
I squeeze his hand gently, offering him a warm smile. “It makes complete sense. After everything that happened to me, Oscar was the one thing that kept me going. Without him, I don’t know where I’d be. It's funny how having a child can change your entire outlook on life,” I muse.
“Absolutely,” he agrees. “I’ve never put so much work into trying to heal myself as I have since you guys walked back into my life. I feel like things are finally turning around for me.”
“I’m glad,” I reply, smiling softly. “I’m sorry about my freakout earlier. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I think it was a very intense moment for both of us, one I’d like to repeat again and again”—my thighs immediately press together at his words, wanting that too—“so it was no surprise. I just hope you’ve had the time you need to figure it all out? If not, I can step back for a while. Only see Oscar if it’ll help?” His doe eyes tell me that’s the last thing he would want, and to be honest, I don’t like the idea either. It makes my heart hurt all over again.
“I think a therapist would have a field day with us, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I had attachment issues like you, but no. I don’t want any space from you. I don’t think I could bear it,” I whisper.
“Then let’s keep going as we are—spend time together as a family while keeping it quiet and see how we go. There’s no pressure, but be warned, Blake, I don’t plan on walking away from you… ever.”
I think I’m okay with that.
Chapter Forty-Four
THEO
The day of Oscar’s birthday party came around quicker than I’d like, and I’m trying not to panic. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea?
I glance around James’s house; it’s filled to the brim with stuff kids can only dream of—think of a Kardashian kid’s party and you have an idea of Oscar’s. Blake did draw the line at the petting zoo I wanted. Said it was costing too much money already and refused to let me spend any more. I tried to ignore her protests, but I knew I’d be in trouble if I did, and I can’t stand it when she’s mad at me.
Since the day at the carnival, things have been going great between us. I’m still my usual needy self, and Blake’s taking it like a champ. I’ve managed to spend most evenings with her and Oscar, basically inserting myself into their life like I was always there.
I want to find a way to make it permanent, but I can tell she’s holding back from me. The worry of her losing her job if we get foundout is still at the forefront of her mind, but once I show her the surprise I’ve been working on, it’ll eradicate any worries she has… I hope.
We both deserve this. We both deserve a second chance at love, at finding our way back to each other after years of self-hatred and, in all honesty, longing. Well, on my part anyway. It’s taken me a while to overcome the hurt and destruction I’d put myself through unnecessarily because I hid instead of just going into her dorm room.
Hands wrap around my waist, and I know who they belong to without even looking down.
“Stop worrying, big guy, everything’s going to be fine,” she whispers into my back.
I turn and draw her into my arms, my head resting on top of hers. “I’ll never stop worrying, firefly, it’s an ingrained part of me.” I kiss the top of her head, breathing her in. “How’s Oscar doing?”
“He’s like a kid in the candy store, he’s so excited. He’s out back with Caleb arguing about who’s the better superhero.” She chuckles, sliding her hands up the back of my shirt.
“I’m scared to ask who’s winning,” I reply with a smile.
“Caleb’s holding his own, but I don’t know how much longer he’s going to last.”
Blake tilts her head to look at me, and my breath falters as she gazes at me with what can only be described as love. It makes my chest ache. I squeeze her tighter before leaning down to kiss her soft lips, expelling a huff of air as I let out a groan.
