My nipple pebbles, and Theo lets out a whispered curse. “Fuck, I’ve missed these.” He descends, taking my nipple into his mouth. He sucks hard as I clutch the back of his head, holding him in place. The hand on my thigh starts moving up slowly, inching higher and higher.
“I’m begging you, Theo,” I plead, desperate. I don’t know how much more my body can take. How much more my clit can throb without orgasming by myself. I’m like a tightrope, about to snap at any given second.
Theo’s hand disappears under my dress, and I let out a sigh of relief that he’s finally touching me where I so desperately need him. His fingers drop down to my entrance and gather my wetness before smearing it across my clit, rubbing in firm, rhythmic strokes. I’m so close to coming—I’m panting, my body coiled and ready to let go.
Fingers probe my entrance, and I hold my breath. Theo’s hands are so big it could be one finger he’s inserting, but it could also be two. The slight burn only heightens the experience, his thumb massaging my clit in circular motions as he slides his fingers in.
His head is in the crook of my neck, his breath hot against my skin, and his own groans fill my ears. The sounds in the car are borderline pornographic, and I love it. Theo’s hand twists slightly and rubs against my G-spot, which, coupled with the entire experience, makes me come hard. My body jerks, twitching and shuddering as I cry out my release.
Theo grunts next to me, his hips twitching against the center console, and his own breathing is stuttered and heavy. I can’t think, let alone breathe, as I come down from my high. My body is humming as if butterflies have erupted under my skin and taken flight.
We sit in silence, neither one of us moving, but as the fog clears from my brain, the doubt and uncertainties begin to kick in. This shouldn’t have happened, regardless of whether my heart belongs to him or not. I shouldn’t have let the need to come overwrite everything I stand for. The repercussions from this could affect me in more ways than one.
I don’t want this to be a mistake, though, and I don’t want to take it back. I’ve never needed a man; I’ve always managed to do everything by myself just as good, if not better. But for a moment, I allow myself to think of what it would be like if I had Theo by my side every day—laughing, joking, teasing, raising our child together as arealcouple.
But that won’t ever happen. It’s a pipe dream I can’t have. Not if I want to keep my position with Sampson and Lowell. And that thought breaks my heart more than it should.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
THEO
Did I come in my pants? You bet your ass I did, and I loved every fucking second of it. I don’t even care that my boxers are sticky and gross as I move away from Blake.
She’s relaxed, but I know her mind’s probably racing now, spiraling into worst-case scenarios. I get it. She’s afraid of risking everything she’s worked for, and I don’t want to be the reason she loses it. I’m not worth that kind of cost. But I’m burning up inside. I need to ask her. I need to stop pretending she’s not my whole world and find out if she’ll choose this. Chooseme.
Realization dawns on me that Caleb was right when he said love and hate are a fine line. I think my hurt was masking the real issue, and I never truly hated her—I still love her. She stole my heart the day I met her, and I never got it back. I don’t everwantit back if it means I get to have her every day.
Shit. I need to speak to James and move my timelines up.
“You okay?” I ask, reaching for the glove box and grabbing a packet of tissues.
I take out a couple and lean over, ready to clean her up, but the grip on my wrist stops me. “Don’t,” she whispers, her face turned down.
“Don’t shut down on me, firefly, that’s usually my job.” I chuckle. “Let me do this… I want to take care of you. Please.”
I don’t want her to close herself off. I need her here with me, because if she’s not, I knowI’llspiral. Blake can protest as much as she likes, but I know she wants me. I can feel it in the way she touches me, in the way she watches me when she thinks I don’t know she’s looking.
Blowing out a breath, she nods. I quickly clean her up and put the used tissue in my pocket. If it’s the only way I’m going to be able to smell her, then fuck it, I’ll be the weird guy with the tissue in his pocket covered in his girl's cum.
“I need to get back to Oscar,” she murmurs, eyes still cast down.
I grip her chin and pull her gaze to mine. “Stop, Blake. I don’t regret this, and I know you don’t either. I won’t risk your job.” Her eyes go wide, and I know I’ve figured out what’s really bothering her. “Just trust me. This is all going to work out the way it should.”
“How can you say that? If Frank finds out, it won’t be your job on the line, it’ll be mine,” she says, sadness creeping in.
“Icansay that because I know it to be true. I want this, you, us. I have a plan, but I need you to trust me. In the meantime, we’ll just sneak around.” I smirk. “No one needs to know until we need them to. We’ll be careful. I won’t let anything happen to you or to your job,” I reiterate firmly.
I can see the internal struggle going on behind her eyes as they dart between mine. She’ll be weighing the pros and cons, working outwhether she wants to trust me enough to see if we can actually make this work.
“So much has happened already, Theo. Can we really come back from that?” she asks, nibbling on her bottom lip.
“Yes, we can,” I reply, running my thumb across her cheek in a soothing pattern. “We’re both older than we were. Both of us wiser to the others' actions. No one is saying we have to be together forever, but I want to see whether we can make this work, not only for us but for Oscar as well.”
Like fuck we won’t be together forever. I’ll tie her down if I have to, but I won’t tell her that just yet.
She glances up at me with her big doe eyes. “We keep it quiet? No one knows, not even Oscar?”
I internally grin. “We keep it quiet. We don’t tell Oscar,” I agree with a nod. “We act as if nothing’s going on while fucking like rabbits in our spare time.”
