I take the glass from her outstretched hand, and she sits herself down next to me. “Thank you.”
“Is there anything you wanted to know?” she asks, sipping her drink.
“Everything.” I laugh, shifting my legs to stretch out in front of me.
Blake spends the next hour telling me all about her pregnancy, the appointments she had, and the birth. I listen, enraptured as she tells me about everything I missed out on. Every once in a while, I might stop her to ask a question, but most of the time, I take in what she’s telling me, absorbing the information and storing it to unpack later.
“I have some photos if you want to see them?” she asks, brushing a hair behind her ear. The pink tinge to her cheeks tells me the wine is settling in, and her hands move around more when she’s talking.
She’s freaking adorable.
Our eyes don’t leave one another, lost in our connection for a moment, before she glances away and says, “I’ll go and get those pictures.”
When she walks back in, I gesture with my head to the bundle she has in her arms. “You’ve gone old school with the photo albums I see.”
“I wanted them all printed out in case I lost my phone or… if you ever wanted to see them,” she says quietly, dropping back down next to me.
I reach for the closest album, but she stops me. “Go in order… might help you see a clearer picture.” She leans across, grabs a nondescript black album, and hands it to me.
I start flicking through the pages, feeling shocked, awed, and humbled as I see with my own eyes how not only Oscar grew up but Blake as well. He was a tiny blip of a thing that’s now grown into a small giant. He definitely gets that from me, seeing as Blake only comes up to chest height on me.
The photos take me forever to go through, there’s so many, but the feeling of gratefulness flows through me. She didn’t have to do this. She could have kept these for herself and never shown me. She could have only taken a single photo and relied on her memory instead. These images are never going to replace what I lost, but it’s a damn good start to finally getting my head around the fact that I’m a dad.
I place the finished album on the floor and lean my head against the sofa, closing my eyes and taking in the moment. Flashbacks of each picture run through my head. Knowing he had a happy childhood makes my chest ache in a good way. He got to experience something I never did, and I’ll always be grateful to Blake for that. He has a mother who loves him unconditionally and puts him first every single day.
A tear drops from my eye, and a soft hand comes up to wipe it away. I don’t move. Just sit with how I’m feeling, trying to figure out what the hell it is. But it's everything and nothing all at the same time. It’s anger, sadness, frustration, happiness, and guilt—everything I never knew how to put a label on. I sit for what feels like forever, just breathing, just feeling as tears continue to fall.
Blake rests her head against my shoulder, wrapping an arm around my waist and simply letting me be. That means more to me than I can ever express. She’s not kicking me out or telling me I’m less of a man for showing my vulnerabilities.
A sob releases from me, and I let it all out, wondering if these tears will ever fully stop. I’ve had them bottled up for so long, refusing to let them fall in case I was told I was a wimp or that I was pathetic, but every time they come out, I’ve been held. I’ve been cared for, and I’ve still been loved after.
I don’t deserve the found family I’ve created, but fucking hell do I love them. I love that James, Caleb, Noah, Oscar, and even Blake aren’t turning away from an emotionally unstable man-child.
“Thank you for showing me these,” I finally say, lifting my head and wiping my face, “but I should probably get going.”
Blake stands up, and I follow, stretching out my legs that have decided to go numb after sitting for so long. “We’re all here for you, Theo,” she whispers. “You’re not alone.”
“I’m finally starting to see that, firefly, but I still have a long way to go,” I mumble before walking to the door and picking up my jacket I’d discarded earlier. “Sorry for… that.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s okay not to be okay. No one thinks any less of you. If anything, it’s admirable that you’re finally getting the help I know you’ve needed for a while.” She reaches over and wraps herself around my waist, hugging me.
I bring my arms around her, leaning down to nuzzle my head in her neck and breathing in her unique scent. Eventually pulling away from her, I head to the door, giving her one last glance before leaving.
Chapter Thirty-Five
THEO
Leaning back in my chair, I look out of my office window and gaze at the city below, lost in my own world.
I’m adad.
It still feels inconceivable to me, yet so right at the same time. The love I have for Oscar can’t be bought or faked, and I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve settled with him. I would’ve thought it would have taken more time, but I guess not.
Le sigh. Another thing to talk to Mike about.
“Theo?” a voice calls from the doorway.
I turn in my chair to see Blake standing there, her hands clasped in front of her. “Hey, firefly. What’s up?” I ask, standing up from behind my desk and walk toward her.
