“Theo, I?—”
“No,” I roar. Emotion floods me, and I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know how to deal with it. “You don’t get to come back here and act as if everything’s okay. You don’t get to walk back into my life and expect me to fall over you. Youbrokeme. Tore me into shreds and spat me the fuck out.”
Tears stream down my face as I finally come to terms with everything I’ve been holding onto for the last ten years. I thought I’d been making good progress with Mike, but after one confession, she’s annihilated me all over again.
“You were my whole world, and you wrecked me,” I shout, arms spread wide as I put everything on display for her to see. “You were supposed to be my safe place, and you shattered me. Left me questioning everything I believed about love.”
I faintly hear Blake crying, but I ignore it. She doesn’t get my pity or my sympathy. I just wanted to find out the truth, but she wouldn’t even give me that.
“I nearly died because of you.” I keep going, expunging every small minute detail that I’ve only shared with three people.
I look up at her, but she’s just a blur, my vision taken away by the tears that won’t stop falling.
“Did you know that?” I scoff. “Of course you wouldn’t. You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself,” I cry out, suffocating under the sorrow I’m experiencing.
“I didn’t know, Theo,” she exclaims, her voice catching.
I round on her, anger flooding my words. “Well, now you do. It was the single worst night of my life. It haunts me every fucking day. How I let someone in so much that a piece of me was carved out the day I found you fucking some other guy.”
My breathing becomes distorted as I struggle for breath. I clutch a hand to my chest as I hyperventilate. My knees crumble, and I fall to the ground with a gut-wrenching sob. “Y-you w-were e-everything to me.”
Soft hands brush the hair from my face, stroking in gentle patterns. My head is moved onto a lap, but I’m so exhausted I can’t move, can’t refuse, can’t do anything but allow her hands to lull me into a false sense of security, just like they’ve always done.
I hate her so much. I hate that I still love her. I hate that she broke me but she might be the only one who could fix me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
BLAKE
I’m caught between my own heartbreak and Theo’s. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I also didn’t want to open old wounds to ease his pain. But how he is now? I’m regretting not just telling him the truth. Yes, I was raped. Yes, I had my whole world turned upside down that fateful night. I spent weeks in a depressive state, not only from having my body viciously violated but also from losing the man I loved. It wasn’t until I found out I was pregnant that I managed to pull myself out of it.
I spent the next eight months in intensive trauma therapy, dealing with the aftermath as I learned how to put myself and my unborn baby first. It took a long time, and even ten years later, I still have days when I don’t feel okay. Where I can still feel his touch on my skin, and his grunts and groans in my ear as he took away everything that wasme.
But I clawed back that control. I clawed my way back to myself, inch by inch, mile by mile. I did it. I became a better person for myself and for Oscar.
Watching my gentle giant now doesn’t bring me any happiness or peace; it just brings me more heartache and pain. I never wanted any of this. I never wanted him to leave me. I never wanted him to get to the point he’s at now because no one deserves to feel this amount of pain. So even though I’m still mad at him, caught between wanting to hate him and blame him… I can’t. Knowing he tried to kill himself is enough to bring me to my knees. I didn’tknow. I didn’t know anything.
He's curled up with his head in my lap, guttural sobs falling from his parted lips. Tears stream down my face, landing in his hair that I gently stroke. I pull him closer, holding him as tightly as I can. This wasn’t how I was expecting tonight to go. I thought we’d go to the bar, have a drink, and get the information we needed. Instead, it seems like those demons we’ve both been holding on to for far too long are finally coming to light.
Theo sits up, wiping his face, and I do the same, smudging my makeup but not having the energy to care. I stand on shaky legs and walk wordlessly to the liquor cabinet, pouring us both a healthy dose of whiskey.
When I return to him, he’s still sitting on the floor, but his back is now resting against the sofa, his head in his hands, and my heart breaks for him. Gently nudging the glass into his hand, I wait for him to take it before blowing out a breath and sitting next to him. I take a healthy swig before starting my story.
“Hugh was an ex-boyfriend. One I met before you.” Theo shifts but remains silent. “I wasn’t overly interested, and I think he knew it. He became obsessed, following me everywhere and blowing up my phone constantly, wanting to know where I was and who I was with. This carried on for about a month before I’d had enough and broke itoff with him.” I draw my knees into my chest, resting my arms on them and twirling the glass. “He didn’t like that.” I chuckle humorlessly.
“Things went from bad to worse when he started getting handsy—pushing me up against walls and crowding me, threatening me with violence if I didn’t take him back. At first, I didn’t believe him. I laughed in his face, but he just kept coming back. Harder presses against the wall, a firmer grip on my face, until one night he lost it and hit me so badly I blacked out.” I wipe the tears on my cheek with the back of my hand, noticing they’re shaking. I don’t dare look at Theo. I need to get this out, and if I look at him now, there’s a high probability I’ll never finish.
“I spent the night in the hospital with a broken cheekbone and a busted eye socket. I pressed charges, there was absolutely no way I wasn’t going to, but he got off lightly—twelve months' suspended sentence.” I scoff, remembering the resentment and rage I’d felt knowing he’d been given a slap on the wrist, all because his family has money. “I thought that was the end of it. I hadn’t heard from him in months, but then I guess he must have found out about you.”
“Me?” he asks quietly.
“Yeah, he started with the threats again. It started as texts from a burner phone. I deleted them and blocked the number, but he still kept sending them. When he didn’t get the response he wanted, he—” I cut myself off. I know I need to say the words out loud. I know he needs this closure just as much as I do, but this is my trauma, the worst night of my life that I’m reliving, so he can wait for me.
I finally bring myself to say the words he’s been so desperate for me to say. “He raped me, Theo. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it.I didn’t cheat on you.” My words came out loud at first, but the more I spoke, the quieter I became because I have no idea how he’s going to react.
An arm sneaks around my shoulders, and I let out the sob I’ve been desperately holding back. Placing the glass beside me, I crawl into Theo’s lap, gripping his shirt in my hands like it’s my lifeline. Likehe’smy lifeline. It’s his turn to comfort me now. He strokes my hair, murmuring things I can’t hear above the sound of my own sobs. My chest heaves up and down as I struggle to breathe through the pain, the heartache, and all the things I’ve missed out on.
Eventually, I pull away from his comforting embrace and wipe my face, huffing out a laugh. “That… wasn’t exactly the evening I had in mind.”
