Theo pushes a hand through his hair, sighing. “I don’t want to talk about it here. I’ll meet you downstairs at six. We’ll go back to mine and talk before heading to Habitat.”
I feel sick to my stomach. He can’t know. There's no way he could know. Every worst-case scenario slams into me as I try to keep my face from showing my fear. “Sure,” I eventually manage to say. “See you at six.”
He nods, then stands up and straightens his shirt. “I’ve got some paperwork to catch up on. I’ll see you later.”
“Uh huh,” I agree as I watch him leave.
I’m fucked.
Chapter Twenty-Six
THEO
Is going to Habitat with Blake tonight a good idea? Probably not, but apparently, I’m a glutton for punishment. The feelings I once had are resurfacing slowly and relentlessly, and it terrifies me. She’s supposed to be part of my past, just someone I work with. But it’s like she’s pulling me in all over again.
It was so much easier to hate her. I couldn’t get hurt then. But I’m reminded of all the reasons why I fell for her so quickly when I met her. Her smile, her laugh, her quick wit, and how she challenges me without even trying. It’s the most fun I’ve had in years, and I’d forgotten what it felt like to be in her orbit. To bask in her warm glow.
I’m fighting it with everything I have because I know this will only end up one way—with me having my ass handed to me again. All I’ve ever wanted is to be loved, to feel that self-worth and self-love I see everyone else carry. And yeah, I get that a lot of people put on a front—‘fake it til you make it’ and all that—but there arepeople out there who genuinely feel that way, and I want it. I’m so desperate for it, I crave it more than I’d like to admit.
One day, Theo. One day.
I still need to contact Christie, but I’m putting it off for as long as I can. Just the mere thought of it makes my stomach turn. I’m not sure if I can handle the kind of pain it’ll no doubt bring.
But that’s a problem for another day.
I’m standing opposite the main entrance to the building, swiping through emails on my phone, when something tells me to look up. Blake walks out of the revolving doors, her black coat tucked up around her ears and her brown briefcase swinging in her hand. The autumn wind blows gently as she walks, her hair moving with it. Her eyes take on a lighter tone as soon as she sees me, and my stomach does a somersault.
I squash it down. The need to protect myself weighs heavily with the need to forgive now that I might have gotten everything wrong.
“Hi,” I say, shoving my phone into my pocket and pushing away from my car before reaching behind me and grabbing the coffee cup from the hood. “I got you a coffee. I didn’t know if you wanted it?” My cheeks flush as I rub the back of my neck.
Blake blushes, her cheeks turning that gentle pink I used to love. “Hey. And yes, please.” She makes a grabby hand, smiling as I pass her the cup.
Opening the passenger door, I get her settled before sliding into the driver’s seat and making the twenty-minute drive to my apartment.
The silence is deafening, the music on low in the background, and tension fills the car. I don’t want to know, but Ineedto know. My palms are sweating as I grip the steering wheel tighter, my chest feeling like it's going to suffocate me. I roll the window down, trying to blast away the hot, dizzy feeling.
Blake shifts in her seat but doesn’t comment, simply drinks her coffee.
I finally pull up, cut the engine, and usher her inside.
It feels like I’ve aged a decade by the time the elevator doors open, and I blow out a sigh of relief. The ride up is slow, my chest aching more with each number that climbs on the control panel. Blake fidgets, her feet shuffling and her gaze darting around the small confines of the lift. She’s looking at anything other than me, but I can’t take my eyes off her.
I heave out a sigh as we reach my floor, nervous energy making it hard to stay still. James says I’m like the Energizer Bunny—I can’t sit still—but that’s the trauma. My threat system’s high, so I’m in constant drive mode, or so Mike said, anyway.
I should probably start listening to him when he tells me this stuff.
The elevator opens into my living room, and I take my jacket off before heading straight for the bar. I take out two glasses and offer, “Want one?”
Blake shrugs her coat off, placing it on the cream sofa. “It’s probably a terrible idea but fuck it.”
I chuckle at her choice of words, pouring out a double shot of whiskey for both of us. I hand it to her as her gaze roams over my home.
“Your interior designer’s done a good job in here.”
I scoff around the rim of my glass. “This is all me, firefly.”
She spins around to look at me, her eyebrows hitting her forehead. “You did this?”
