I swallow, bile rising in my throat. “I don’t think so. If she does, she’s never said anything.”
“Do you feel like there’s resentment toward her for it?”
I blow out a breath and lean back. Do I feel resentful? “I guess so,” I finally utter. “She gets to live the life people can only dream of, while I’m sitting here in therapy every day trying not to drown in my nightmares.”
“That’s quite common, Theo. More common than you’d think, actually.” He glances at the clock. “That’s time for today, but I’d like you to do some homework for me.”
I groan, wondering what thehell I need to do.
“Contact Christie. Meet her somewhere neutral and start building those bridges between her again. Let that resentment go.”
“How’s that going to help me?” I ask skeptically.
Mike smiles kindly. “To move on from the past, Theo, we have to confront it. Christie is a demon of your past. Once that’s dealt with, we can move on to Blake and how she fits into all of this.”
“What if I don’t want to move on from Blake? What if I don’t want to know how she fits into all of this?”
“That’s for you to decide, Theo. Everything is done at your pace. You just have to figure out what’s important to you, and ultimately, what you want to get out of our sessions.”
My eyes tear up, and I blow out a breath, willing them to subside. “I want it to stop hurting, Mike. I want to stop hating myself. I want to live a life of peace and self-worth. I’m just scared.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do. There’s no time limit on this. The unknown is always a scary thing, but having a life worth living is something money can’t buy.” He pauses, gathering his thoughts. “We’ll never be able to erase the past, Theo, but we can make it more muted. More manageable to live with.”
“That sounds pretty good,” I mumble, standing up. “Thank you.”
Mike pushes himself out of his chair and extends his hand. “Try and mend things with Christie, Theo. You never know what could come of it.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
THEO
Needing a little pick-me-up after the therapy session with Mike, I decide to mess with Blake again. I mean, I’m no saint, and I’ve gotta get my kicks from somewhere. I don’t want to message the guys again. James has been blowing up my phone, worried about me, and after the breakdown with Caleb, I’m a little reluctant to go to him because of shame and embarrassment. He’d probably tell me I’m being stupid and that’s what he’s there for, but there’s still that voice that says I’m a burden to my friends, and they’ll only accept my needy ways for so long before they get bored and boot me out of the group.
Now logically, I know that’s a bunch of bull crap because they’ve stuck around for the past twenty years, but unfortunately, my irrational brain is in charge right now, and that’s what it’s telling me.
I find Blake in her usual spot, sitting in the library with books strewn across the table and a pencil in her hand. I want to trust her. I want to ask her the question I’ve been dying to ask since the night Ihad my epiphany with Mike, but like the coward I am, I can’t bring myself to open that can of worms yet.
“Blake,” I bark. She jumps in her seat, clutching her chest, and I have to stifle the laugh that wants to break free. “Where are those files I asked for?”
Her face is a picture—scared yet confused.
“What files?” she asks once she’s composed herself.
I take a moment to look at her. Her hourglass figure still makes my hands clench with the need to trace her curves like I used to do. Her hair flows down past her shoulders, glistening under the low lighting of the room. But it’s her eyes that draw me in—brown eyes that feel like home every time I look into them. She’s always had a maternal instinct about her. I think that’s one of the many reasons why I was so drawn to her. She’s soft and patient but has the fight of a lioness protecting her cubs. There’s always been an inexplicable need to be around her, like it's instinct.
“The files I asked you for last week,” I bark, continuing with the charade.
Blake stands up, crosses the room, and places a book on the shelf before turning back to me. She folds her arms over her chest, head tilted and eyes assessing. “There’s no file, Theo.”
“Isn’t there?” I challenge back, my eyebrow raised.
“Fool me once,” she says, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips. “Your pranks are getting lackluster, big guy. If you think I’m falling for that one, then you seriously need to up your game…” She stops before adding, “Actually, please don’t.”
“You ruin all my fun.” I pout, throwing my hands into the air in defeat.
Maybe she’s right… am I losing my ability to prank people? Ohdear god, no!
She smirks. “If you say so.”
