“Good, Theo.”
A car door slamming distracts me, and I glance up to see Harper in the car and Blake waiting beside it. She gives me a curious look, but I ignore it, stomping to the driver’s side and getting in. Harper’s in the passenger seat next to me with Blake sitting behind, both of them looking out the window, lost in their own thoughts.
“Buckle up, bitches, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride,” I sing-song, reversing out of the driveway and heading off to our next destination.
I throw the keys down on the table in the entryway and slam the door behind me. The harsh noise echoes throughout the otherwise silent apartment, and I try not to let it get to me. The last few days have been mentally taxing.
After dropping Blake off, wheels spinning in my eagerness to get away, I took Harper to her new location and left her with one of the three people I trust with my life.
The only reason I brought Blake with me was because Frank wanted to see her. What he wanted though? No clue. Was it about me? Icouldn’t take the not knowing, and like fuck was I asking her, so the only other option was to bring her along and stall the meeting.
If she gets into trouble for it, all the better.
Grabbing a beer from the fridge, I lean against the counter and down more than half in one go. I’m not an alcoholic, I just find it relaxes me enough to get some sleep, and as long as I don’t drink too much, I won’t end up like I did the other day.
Fuck, the other day. That was a turning point in my therapy. I suppose I should be thankful, but I’m not. I just feel empty, and my mood is shot to shit.
Loosening the tie from around my neck, I head into the living room and turn the TV on low. The news plays quietly in the background as I sit on the sofa, swinging my legs up and staring at the ceiling.
“Good, Theo.”
I lift my head, glaring at him. “Good? How is any of this good?” I snap, my arms falling to hang limply at my sides.
Mike smiles, a warm, genuine smile. “You’re talking, Theo. For the first time in years, you’re finally opening up. This is good.”
“Is it?” I sneer. “Fuck. This pain in my chest isn’t going anywhere. If anything, it feels like it’s getting worse, which is why I—” I stop and turn away from him.
“Which is why you what, Theo?”
I blow out a breath, digging the heels of my hands into my eyes. “I cut myself,” I mumble, embarrassment and shame now circling me like vultures.
“And how do you feel now?” he asks gently.
“Embarrassed, shameful, guilty,” I reply. “I’m a thirty-six-year-old man who cuts himself. A lawyer, and a damned good one at that. I’m not supposed to do shit like this.”
“Embarrassment, shame, and guilt are all valid feelings to have, Theo. We just need to figure out why.”
I know why, I’m just not sure I can put it into words.
“Tell me more about that day and how it happened, and we’ll go from there.”
I shake my head and wipe my eyes. Mike says all this talking will be good for me, even if it’ll get worse before it gets better, but I’m failing to see how any of this is gonna help. I mean, I almost killed myself for fuck’s sake because the woman I loved cheated on me. I’m not exactly sane, am I?
I’m in serious need of loving right now, and I don’t mean women. Sliding my phone out, I message the guys.
You guys love me, right?
Caleb
Always.
Noah
Depends.
James
What’s wrong?
