She remembered back when Cade first showed up with his own healing to do and had River in tow. He’d spotted her hitchhiking at night in the rain and brought her up to the lodge unaware of the trouble following her. Then Aaron had shown up fighting his own demons and took the job as the sanctuary’s handyman. He kept to himself until Bailey showed up looking for him with bad people on her trail.
Yeah, they’d all been through some trouble, but had fought their battles hard and won, and even come out the other side stronger together.
That was what she wanted. Not the battles and dangers, per se, but the deep connection, the strength and unity. Being together with that one person who wanted you back with the same fierceness.
Her time would come. She had to tell herself that. She had done her best to stay optimistic, but sometimes, it felt like none of this was really fair. She didn’t know how much longer she would have to wait—and if the man she was meant to be with was already right there in front of her.
But Xavier was her brother’s best friend and had been part of their lives forever. She knew it would make everything crazy-complicated if the two of them got involved. Plus, they worked together, too. Wasn’t that a cardinal sin, dating someone you worked with? God, it was all so complicated, Hannah didn’t know where to start.
Maybe a little more time out here in the cold would do her good. She decided to head a little farther into the forest, hoping the canopy of trees around her would give her some space to think.
The look on Xavier’s face told her there was more going on with him than she knew about. And she wasn’t sure exactly what to think about that. After the fire, she was uneasy in a way she hadn’t been before, and any little thing that seemed off was enough to get her mind spinning.
Especially when it came from the man she couldn’t get out of her head.
Chapter Three
Xavier stepped back inside the lodge, rubbing his hands together as the warmth of the crackling fire in the reception area rushed through his body. It had been Hannah’s idea to put it in, to create a warmer and cozier ambience for those first arriving at the lodge, and it had been a great addition. Every time he saw it, he felt a little more relaxed. God only knew how much he needed that right now.
His stomach grumbled as he headed down to the kitchen. He had skipped out on breakfast, oversleeping after he had been up in the middle of the night. Even when he fell back into a fitful sleep after his cold shower, the dreams had plagued him enough that he hadn’t been able to get any real rest, no matter how hard he tried. Now, he could feel the weight of that lack of sleep pressing down on his shoulders. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious.
Though, judging by the way Hannah had looked at him when he ran into her outside, he wasn’t doing a good job keeping it to himself. He didn’t want to worry anyone, but at the same time, there was only so long he could wait this out before he had to admit defeat and get help.
Arriving at the kitchen, he found Sarah Peterson, Warrior Peak’s counselor, finishing up with the dishes.
She flashed him a grin. “All the pancakes are gone,” she told him. “But there’s some bacon and eggs left on the stove if you want something.”
“Thanks, Sarah,” he replied, and he went to help himself to a hearty breakfast, even if he really didn’t feel much like it. Hisstomach twisted into knots as he thought about what he had come back to the night before. He still had no explanation for what had happened to his room, and that bothered him. He liked everything in his world to be in order, everything in its place. That was how he handled the stress of everything he had been through, how he survived in the mess of the life he’d led so far. But someone tossing his room was something he hadn’t been ready for, and he didn’t like the way it made him feel.
“You need a hand with those?” he asked Sarah, nodding to the dishes she was working through.
She waved a hand. “I’m fine,” she replied. “Hannah already brought everything in from the dining area, and I’m just finishing up. You have something to eat.”
He nodded at her gratefully and went to take a seat in the empty dining hall. The smell of pancakes and maple syrup lingered in the air, a reminder of what he had missed. Even if he had been awake, he doubted he would have bothered coming down here to join everyone. He wouldn’t have been in the mood to put himself in a roomful of people who might guess something was up.
He didn’t want questions, he didn’t want interrogation, and he didn’t want anyone to know what was really going on inside his head. He’d needed the cool morning walk and space to clear his head a little more and think. Someone there at the lodge, after all, had likely been the one to go through his room in the middle of the night. If that was the case, he didn’t want to give them any indication that he was on to them.
He knew from his CIA days that playing it cool was the best way to get a rat out of hiding, and he intended to smoke out this person one way or another.
Just as Xavier was finishing his food, Lawson appeared in the doorway. Xavier caught his friend’s eye, and as soon as he did, his stomach dropped. Lawson’s mouth was set into a hard line,and judging by the look on his face, Xavier could tell he wanted to have a serious conversation.
Xavier sighed and set aside his plate as Lawson came to join him, sliding in to the long wooden bench that ran along the other side of the communal table.
“Didn’t see you at breakfast today,” Lawson stated.
Xavier had hoped his absence wouldn’t be that obvious, but looked like he hadn’t gotten so lucky. He shrugged and tried to keep his voice steady. “Overslept.”
Lawson paused, giving Xavier a chance to share more, but when he didn’t, he sighed and cocked his head at him. “I know something’s going on with you,” he said bluntly.
Leave it to Lawson to jump right to the heart of the matter. His friend had never been one to mince his words, but Xavier’s back was instantly up. Did he know something about the room invasion last night? “What are you talking about?” Xavier fired back. He knew Lawson was on his side, but there was a part of him that didn’t like letting anyone in. After everything he’d been through in his life, he felt like he needed to be on his guard at all times, even around his best friend.
“The nightmares are back, aren’t they?” Lawson pressed.
Xavier looked down at the table. He didn’t need to reply. Lawson had been there with him when Xavier was first navigating the nightmare of surviving his brother’s loss. Lawson had seen how much it tore Xavier apart. Xavier wished he had some way to deny it, but there would have been no point. Lawson knew him better than anyone else in the world.
“You’ve been off ever since the fire,” Lawson continued, raising his eyebrows pointedly. “You don’t need to hide it from me, man. I remember—”
“It’s fine,” Xavier cut him off before he could go any further. He didn’t want to get into it, not now. There were other, more important things to think about. He wasn’t going to dwell on thememories that he had worked so hard to leave in the past. Even if his brain didn’t agree while he was sleeping.
