“What is wrong with you?” I slammed him with the first pillow I could grab, breathless from both fright and Lee’s body on top of me, even if it was for less than a minute.
“Sorry. I couldn’t resist,” he said, bumping my knee with his. “Never change, Stell.”
His wide grin faded while he searched my face long enough to make me squirm. I shouldn’t have been squirming under the gaze of a man whom I’d just said was like a second older brother.
But that had been a lie. The visceral reaction to him so close had called me out, but I tried my best to hide it.
“Come on,” Lee said, grabbing my wrist to pull me closer to him on the couch. “We can watch whatever you want.” He handed me the remote, twisting his lips. “I promise I won’t scare you.”
I swiped it from his hands and turned toward the TV, leaving a couple of inches between us as I searched the guide on the screen.
“This was a nice welcome home. And a great dinner.”
I felt Lee’s eyes while I continued to weed through shows and movies, not reading any of the titles as heat ran up my neck.
Stop. Stop. Stop.
“That’s as fancy as I get. Lucky for me, Bennie is a simple chick for dinner, even if she eats very slowly,” I said with a laugh.
“It was great. The room is good? Bed is comfortable? I don’t think I asked you as I ran out the door that morning.”
“Yes, very. Big upgrade from my mother’s couch.”
“Good. I’m glad,” Lee said, slipping the remote from my hands, the brush of his thumb sparking a jolt up my arm. “I’ve seen this a million times, but I don’t think it will scare you.”
I shoved his shoulder when he snickered.
“No, Chevy Chase doesn’t scare me.” I brought my legs under me, exhaling slowly through my nostrils so I’d seem relaxed. “My father loved this movie.”
“Mine too.” He tossed the remote on the coffee table and leaned back. “My mother, no, but she’d tolerate it for us.”
“Gary and my dad would laugh so loud we could barely watch.” A chuckle escaped me as my gaze found Lee’s again.
“The more you let yourself remember, the less it hurts. Or the sting starts to dull.” He shrugged, stretching his arm along the back of the couch. My spine stiffened for a moment as I rolled my shoulders.
“It does,” I agreed, letting my head fall back as I focused on the screen.
Remembering when it came to my father had been easier as the years went on, but when it came to Lee, it never was. Recalling sixteen-year-old me in this spot, only in his basement, both keeping some distance from him and hoping he came closer, still messed with my head the same way.
I had hopes of overcoming it, hopes that dwindled in moments like these.
My eyes were heavy as exhaustion washed over me. Maybe if I let myself feel everything that I tried to put into a little box and not think about, even though that would usually make it worse, my feelings for Lee would mute in time.
It was hard to hope for something that I knew would never work.
I blinked my eyes open to a blank screen. Turning my head, the first thing I could make out was the white sleeve of Lee’s shirt. When I swiveled the other way, my cheek grazed the same cotton material stretching over his chest. I’d dozed off and somehow landed on Lee, snoozing next to me, his arm gripping my waist.
How did we end up like this? I shifted to sit up, but Lee tightened his arm around me, drawing me closer as he leaned his chin against my temple.
“Sleep, baby,” he said in a raspy whisper.
Oh God, he thought I was Katie—or possibly someone he’d slept with after her. Pondering either option turned my stomach.
The right thing to do was shake him awake, but I stilled instead. Of all the times I’d thought of what it would be like to wake up with Lee, this would be the closest I’d get to the real thing, even if he was dreaming of someone else.
Indulging most likely made me a masochist, but I couldn’t resist, even for only a minute. I pressed my hand into the cushion to push off the couch and away from Lee.
“Stella,” he mumbled, sinking his head deeper into the back of the couch cushion and tightening his hold. “Don’t go, baby,” he whispered, nuzzling my hair.
