Lee
I look forward to it.
When was the last time I’d looked forward to something this much? And why did it have to be the one thing I had to avoid?
THIRTEEN
STELLA
“This is so good,” Bennie mumbled to me around a mouthful of macaroni and cheese. “Aunt Deb’s is different. She pours it out of a box.”
“Well, I pour the pasta out of a box,” I told her, loving how she was digging into the only sort of fancy dinner I knew how to make with adorable gusto.
Lee had all the basics of what Bennie ate on hand, mostly chicken nuggets, waffles, and frozen fries, but I’d been feeling brave when I’d stopped at the grocery store and bought all the ingredients for homemade macaroni and cheese.
Mom would make this for us when one of us had a bad day as kids, and I’d leaned on it for comfort as an adult.
That was why, even though I’d been on the road for most of the past few years, I knew the recipe by heart.
“Can you make this all the time?” Bennie asked. “I like all the cheese and that it’s crunchy too.”
“I can make it sometimes. I’m very happy you like it.”
“My friend Alexa’s mom makes big dinners like this too, that you get out of the oven. But nothing this good.”
Bennie was so easy to love, my heart hurt from how much it had swelled in only a short time. So adorable and pure and innocent—well, maybe notsoinnocent as she’d asked on the way home from school if I wassureI didn’t want to keep her home from school this week to make sure I was okay and needed her to teach me things around the house.
“Well, thank you, but don’t tell Alexa’s mom that the next time you eat there. You wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
“Oh no, I wouldn’t say that.” Her little brow pinched as she shook her head. “Her dinners are good, and she makes really big dessert.” She widened her eyes, keeping them on mine. “Did you make big dessert?”
“I may have baked cookies while you were at school, but only because it’s our first week together. Your dad will kill me if I load you up with sweets while he is away.”
“Are they homemade too?”
“Well, I took them out of a tube and put them in the oven, but I made them here, so sure.”
She giggled at my wink.
“Did you know my mom?”
I stilled, my stomach twisting a little as I met her gaze.
“I did,” I said.
“Oh,” was all she said, digging back into her dinner. “I didn’t.”
I studied Bennie’s face, but I found no sadness or regret, only curiosity. They both would come in time, as I was sure she’d feel Katie’s absence as she grew older. Now, not having a mother was just a way she was different from her friends. Lee and his family seemed to have done a great job filling the void enough that she hadn’t realized it—or at least not enough to upset her—yet.
I was sure Lee dreaded that day as much as I hated thinking about it for her. I missed my father every day, but moms were so important to little girls. I had no idea how I would have functioned without mine, then and now.
“What was she like? Grams and Aunt Deb said I’m small like her and we have the same nose.”
“Well, she was really pretty like you.” My chest pinched when her smile deepened. “And very nice. She loved you and your dad a lot.”
As much as it had hurt to see Lee fall in love with Katie and marry her, Katie had been wonderful. Sweet, welcoming, and the love she’d had for her husband and daughter radiated off her.
I found Bennie staring at a few of the photos Lee had hung up along the living room walls of the three of them when Bennie was a baby. I couldn’t look for too long when she’d pointed them out to me for a couple of reasons.
