“But you’re thinking about it anyway, right? Lee, it’s me. You don’t have to put up a front. How many times did you push me toward Rachel when I said it wouldn’t work?”
“That was different.”
“Maybe a little.” He shrugged. “But I was just as miserable as you seem to be until I finally admitted what I wanted and gave in, as you’d tell me all the time.”
“I’m not miserable. Maybe a little tense, but not miserable.”
“Can I say one more thing? And then I promise I’ll drop it.”
I nodded, my shoulders going rigid from what I knew he would probably say. I had given him a load of shit when he’d first met Rachel, and I’d pushed him to get out of his head and go for it. But Silas didn’t have a little girl who’d alreadysuffered from his mistakes, even if she hadn’t realized it yet. And while he had gone through a brutal divorce, his loss wasn’t immense enough to almost break him.
I wouldn’t survive another one.
“Well, one more thing after a question. Is feeling something for Stella because of who she’s been to you and how she’s helping you what’s bothering you, or did you not expect to want anyone else after Katie?”
“I…” I trailed off, my chest constricting as Silas managed to corner me.
After five years, I’d finally let go of enough of the anger over losing Katie and raising our daughter alone that I didn’t feel as if I had to run from the memories anymore. I could tell Bennie all about the amazing mother she had without holding back details because I couldn’t handle sharing them yet.
But truly wanting to be with someone after Katie, not for a hookup or casual night, was its own mindfuck. All I did know was that I didn’t have it in me to love someone, only to lose them again, given I’d barely survived it the first time.
But being alone didn’t seem like such an easy choice anymore. It had been the safest and only option for me for the past five years, until almost kissing Stella not once but twice had made me question it all.
“I don’t know,” I allowed.
“Life has a way of restarting itself. When I blew out my knee and lost my career right after my divorce, I felt so low, I never thought I’d get back up or even care if I did. But all that changed when I found someone I wanted enough to make me want to actually live, not just function, every day. If Stella could be that someone for you, is it so bad to try?”
“Yes,” I blurted out. “I mean, I can’t.”
“So you’ve said. Listen, I’ll drop it for now. Easier than you would with me, if you recall.”
I managed a smile when he rolled his eyes.
“But being this agitated isn’t sustainable. Something is going to have to give. I’d like to see you happy—or at least have a stomach lining at the end of the season.”
“One thing at a time,” I tried to joke.
“Would it help if I made Nate do extra sprints around the field for calling Stella hot?”
“Yes, actually it would.” A real laugh slipped out of me while I followed Silas to the field.
What I was feeling for Stella was as inconvenient as it was terrifying, and I had no choice but to endure until the end of the season.
Silas jogged toward the players on the grass, and I stayed behind when my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Stella
Pickup was as easy as drop-off.
A photo of Stella and Bennie popped on the screen, both with matching wide smiles. I knew Stella would be good with Bennie, but I didn’t expect them tolookso good and perfect together.
Lee
I had no doubt. How was the rest of the day? Meet anyone besides the single mom groupies you think I have?
Stella
I saw Lorraine point to me as she huddled with a few other moms, so I’m guessing they’re part of your fandom.
