I’d never expected to have actual feelings for anyone else after Katie. The few times I had hooked up with someone on the road, I’d been very clear about not wanting anything beyond the superficial and physical, and they’d wanted the same and had been fine with it. Other than a woman I’d been with a couple of times when I’d traveled through Philly, I’d never seen anyone more than once because I hadn’t wanted to.
It had always been hollow, but on those nights I’d felt low enough to want to get lost in someone for a few hours, it had sufficed.
I never thought I’d want more than that from anyone after Katie, until I started wanting more of Stella, wanting to give her all of what I thought I’d lost when I lost my wife.
But I couldn’t screw up the arrangement we had. Thistemporaryarrangement, despite fixing up Stella’s room as if she were going to live with us forever. I’d gone shopping with the intention of picking up a few pink things for her room and, instead, had ended up building furniture for the next couple of days, well into the night before she came, trying to get it all perfect for her.
The bookcases had been my idea, sparked by when she’d told Bennie how she’d wanted to live in a library. While I had her here, I wanted to give her everything I could to erase the last couple of months. Not complicate it, all because I couldn’t handle myself.
The pull toward Stella itched under my skin, but no matter how much the temptation was ramping up, I couldn’t scratch it.
When she’d kissed my cheek last night, I’d felt every inch of her mouth, a jolt zapping down my neck. If I’d turned my head only a few inches, her lips would have been on mine. My hand would have delved into her hair, weaving my fingers around a fistful as I pulled her to me, then taking that gorgeous mouth in a kiss that would make her forget Zach and any other man who had never been worth her time.
I trudged into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready to meet Silas and the team at JFK Airport. I let the hot water rush over me while I leaned against the wall, trying to get my head right before I headed out for the next week.
I pressed my hand into the cold tile, steam billowing around me as my cock twitched.No, this is a bad idea.Jerking off to Stella would only make it worse, engraining the fantasy I’d been running from into my brain.
Yet, I grabbed my dick anyway, making long strokes up and down as my mind drifted back to us sitting on that bed, the moan she’d make if I slid my tongue past those perfect lips to drink her in and chase this thirst I had no time for but wouldn’t leave me alone.
Even worse, thoughts of Stella in this shower later on flooded my brain, her sweet curves wet, that long, gorgeous hair draping over her breasts. Maybe I wouldn’t be good for her, but I’d make it good then. I’d drop to my knees, bury my face between her legs, and make her forget it all. Forget everything but me.
“Like that, sweetheart?” My desperate whisper sounded foreign to my own ears. I’d jerked off in my shower more times than I cared to count, but my pulse had never thrummed in my ears like this, my body rigid from the waistdown while I pumped hard, trying in vain to flush Stella out of my system.
The image of her pinned against the wall as I took her, deep and hard, our mouths staying fused together, giving her all I had even though it wouldn’t be enough, was all I needed to spill my release all over the wall.
I leaned forward, catching my breath as my heart sank to my stomach.
This wasn’t good. It was awful, in fact.
Fucking Stella, making love to her, or tasting her on my tongue couldn’t happen. Not while she was living in my house and not ever.
I ran the showerhead back and forth over the wall, erasing my mistake from view but not memory while I washed up, turning the water ice-cold for the last minute, and stepped out.
I had a flight to catch and a job to do. I’d deal with how fucked I was on my own time, which wasn’t now.
I dressed, finished shoving the last few things into my suitcase, and tiptoed into my daughter’s room. Her face was hidden by all the covers and stuffed animals, but I smiled when I spotted the lump of her figure rise and fall under the pink comforter.
“Hey,” I whispered, smoothing the covers down to see her face.
“It’s not school time yet, Daddy. It’s still night,” she murmured, letting out a sleepy sigh as she sank her head deeper into the pillow.
“No, it’s not, but I wanted to kiss you goodbye before I go to the airport. Be good for Stella, okay?”
“I will,” she gave me a hazy smile before reaching her arm toward the ceiling. “Can you still kiss me if I keep lying down?”
“I sure can,” I said, chuckling as I bent over, burying my head into the crook of her little shoulder as she snaked her arm around my neck. “I love you, baby girl. I’ll call you later before the game starts.”
“I love you too. I hope you win them all,” she said on a yawn.
“Me too, Ben,” I said, brushing her hair aside to kiss her forehead.
“I’ll miss you, Daddy,” she said as her eyes fluttered shut.
“I always miss you,” I whispered, pulling her covers back up and tucking them around her tiny body.
I left Bennie’s room with the usual twist of guilt in my gut, but she was used to her father going on weeks-long trips for work. Still, it never made leaving her any easier.
I made my way downstairs and was surprised to see the glow of the kitchen light.
