Seventeen
That foggy Deathday afternoon, I walked to the Department of Magical Aptitude and Assessment to see if I could scrounge up a tester for my merry band of Outcasts. The home of the testers was a complex consisting of several large buildings on its own plateau a bit off the Collegium, on the road to the Pallentine, which was an even more illustrious district for statesmen and nobles. I’d not yet dared to visit.
The testers’ compound struck me as a lot more humble and businesslike than the ostentatious display of wealth and importance of its neighbors. The Collegium was one massive academy after another, each one in a wildly different architectural style from its founder’s homeland, all trying to outdo each other. The place was all looming towers and beautiful palaces, and they even had one great big hollowed-out tree that was practically its own town.
Meanwhile, the testers got a bunch of grey concrete blocks with some windows and a warning sign that if you weren’t here on Nexus Council matters, you were trespassing.
There were a couple members of the Core City Watch manning a guard shack at the entrance. I’d worn my best clothes, so they didn’t immediately chase me away as a beggar. I had noappointment, but did have a piece of paper signed—grudgingly—by a nobleman which declared I represented a magical academy, so they let me through. Considering how often I’d been snubbed in the Collegium, that victory made me feel smug.
The interior was as boring and utilitarian as the exterior. I didn’t know a lot about their organization, but that seemed fitting. Testers didn’t need flash to show off their clout. Their power came from giving accurate results, not lightning bolts.
A female gnome sat on a high chair behind a desk overlooking the reception area. The rosy-cheeked, tiny woman flashed me a brilliant smile. “Good day, sir! Welcome to the Department of Magical Aptitude and Assessment. How may I assist you today?”
“I was hoping to speak to Tester Pivorotto. Has he returned from the Plane of Fire yet?”
“He has, just recently, in fact, but he’s currently on another assignment.” She seemed saddened to disappoint me, but added, “Could another tester help you?”
I’d been hoping for Pivorotto because he’d struck me as a genuinely kind man, giving of his time, and most importantly, willing to take a bribe, but within reasonable limits of bribery. A generous amount of Red had bought me some time on his busy schedule, but nothing would get him to lie about my results. That seemed to me the perfect balance of what the Outcast Academy needed in a tester.
“Sure. I’ll see another tester.”
“Of course, sir! I shall see who is available.”
The gnome was so eager to help, I’d nearly forgotten not everyone from this organization was so nice. “It’s not Tester Ewing, is it?”
“No. She’s currently on assignment in the Water Realm.”
“Oh good.” I didn’t add that I hoped she drowned or got eaten by a Squalo while there. It was one thing to crush a youngboy’s dreams of being a wizard, but she hadn’t needed to be such a malicious bitch about it. “Anyone else will be fine.”
“May I ask who you are and which academy you’re from?”
“I’m Ozwald Carnavon of Fogo, representing Gaul Haddar, master of the newly formed Academy of Outcasts.” I stated that with pride, because it was nice to feel like a bigshot for once.
“Oh…” The gnome’s smile died. Her manner changed so fast, I thought I’d unwittingly wronged her somehow.
“What?”
“You’re one ofthose people.Wait here…” She climbed off her chair. “And don’t be tempted to steal anything or deface the premises while I’m away. If you do, I’ll know it was you!”
I looked around the waiting room. “I’m the only one here.”
She pointed one stubby little finger at me menacingly as she left. “Exactly!”
Haddar didn’t like this city, and many of the high-ranking mages who ran it felt the same way about him. I didn’t know what all the history was there, but his unplanned promotion had surely upset a lot of very important people. Backbiting and rumormongering were popular hobbies among the Core’s upper crust, so these people knowing about us wasn’t too surprising. I only felt bad because I’d temporarily gotten my hopes up for once.
Five minutes later, the gnome returned, and this time, she had a human with her. He was grey-haired, distinguished, and wearing the insignia of the testers on his robes. While the gnome climbed back up her chair, she said, “This is Mr. Carnavon of the aforementioned academy.”
His manner was coldly polite. “Hello. I am Tester Ritter.” He handed me a sheet of paper. “This is the price list for our services.”
I’d not even said why I was here, but took the paper and looked it over, only to realize they were trying to rip us off worsethan Carcalla had. “I intend no offense toward your fine and respected organization, but these amounts quoted seem rather steep.”
“Are you questioning myaccuracy?”
That had to be a major insult among testers, so I quickly said, “No, I’m sure they’re right, they’re just a bit more than I’d budgeted for.”
“I assure you these are the current rates. This humble amount should be but a pittance to a prestigious magical academy. We are the only organization accredited by the Nexus Council to provide an accurate assessment of an individual’s magical aptitude. Our services are in great demand.”
Of course they were. The only way to gain respect and access as a mage was by increasing your rank, and the only path through the lower ranks was by a tester’s say so. “Surely this can’t be what you charge a nobleman to test each of his subjects?”
