“Not good enough.”
“Cipher–”
“If it makes you feel better, I’ll take a few days to think about it,” he said.
My shoulders dropped, a concession at least. “It would make me feel better,” I said. He held onto my hand. There was a heaviness in my heart, guilt that my actions, however right they were for me, might negatively affect him. I didn’t want him to enlist just to be with me, though I didn’t want for us to be apart either. “I should have waited to talk with you about it,” I said.
“I can understand why you didn’t.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Probably because you felt compelled to do it, and you didn’t want me to try and talk you out of it.”
I squeezed his hand. He knew me so well. “Are you mad at me?”
He tapped his knuckle against my cheek, something he’d always done as a way to reassure me. “No, sweetness. Bringing me here saved my life, and now I get to spend more time with you. Whether it’s Assburbia or StarChem Laboratories or a fucking fox hole in the middle of Rabid Country, we’ll make it work.”
I smiled at his optimism. “Are you sure you want to sign over five years of your life to a government you’ve always despised and distrusted?”
He shrugged, so cavalier about it all. “Godara told me to start thinking about my future. I don’t see myself in a corporate setting. Maybe this is the right move.”
I laughed at how ridiculous he was, but I did think he’d be good at soldiering. He had the skills already—tracking, shooting, surviving. “They’ll probably give you a gun,” I reasoned.
“Bonus, but I’d rather have my lucky charm.”
He meant me. I was his lucky charm, but I didn’t want him doing this out of some misplaced sense of obligation. “You know you don’t owe me anything,” I said.
“Agree to disagree.” He brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles one at a time, such a sweet, tender gesture. “I love you, Kitten. You’re my manly, pink-loving soldier boy. Can’t wait to see you in those United Forces fatigues. And then take them off of you.”
I smiled, a hot flush rising in my chest and warming my cheeks. He made it sound pretty appealing. He was irresistible to me, always had been, always would be.
“You’re ridiculous. And I love you too,obviously.”
The first timeit happened we were in the toolshed because Cipher wanted to help me till another plot for planting. The day was warm, our clothes already sticking to us. I was digging around in a shadowy corner of the shed, appreciating the cool dark shade, when Cipher came up behind me and reached around to grab the pitchfork I’d been looking for.
“This what you wanted?” he asked, his warm breath ghosting along my neck.
“Yeah.” I turned around slowly and caught his eye, the blown-out look of desire I recognized, the straight line of his mouth that told me he was trying to hold it in. “Thank you,” I said, not moving away from him, wanting to see what he might do next.
“No problem.” He backed away, put both his hands behind his back and dropped his head. I laid the pitchfork against the wooden clapboard wall.
“Gloves?” I asked and offered him a pair.
“Sure.” We both put them on, staring at each other the whole time. It seemed both of us were waiting to see who might make the next move.
“All set?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he responded, still with that look in his eyes. I turned toward the door. “Kitten,” he said.
“Yes?”
Suddenly his arms were around me, one hand cradling my head while the other snaked around my back. He wouldn’t kiss me on the mouth–still afraid to do it–but he kissed my neck,along my jaw, the sensitive underside of it, sucking slightly. I hoped he’d leave a mark.
“This okay?” he asked, whispering into my good ear.
“More than okay.”
“I’m not Rabid,” he said as if trying to convince us both.
