“Yes, you found this one and mine too,” he said, showing off his own pair of similar boots. I admired them, along with the strong legs they were attached to.
“Am I ever jealous that you have all of your limbs?” I asked.
He tilted his head and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t know if you’re jealous, but you are sometimes frustrated that you can’t run as fast or climb very well. I think you’d like to be seen as athletic. But then, I have my own limitations too.”
“What are they?” I asked, feeling bad for not knowing already. I wanted to know everything about him.
“I have asthma and I’m deaf in this ear.” He pointed to his right one.
“Oh.” That must be why I always leaned toward his left when we hugged, because I was used to speaking into his good ear. “We had to find you an inhaler,” I said, recalling a drug store and a sudden change in plans due to Rabids ambushing us.
“Yes. We were attacked by Rabids in a CVS, but that’s not where you were bitten. You were with my brother when that happened.”
He seemed angry again. That I’d been bitten? I knew that it happened in a strawberry field with Santiago, his brother, or so I’d been told, but the events of that day were still fuzzy for me, like so many other things.
“I am a bit jealous that you have more information than me,” I admitted. I could be honest with him about things like that. He hadn’t used anything against me so far.
“All that I have is yours too. I won’t keep anything from you, Cipher, I promise.” The sincerity in his expression took me back for a moment.
“All right,” I said slowly.
Kitten went down on one knee and laced up my boot for me as if he’d done it a million times before. I couldn’t help but lay my hand in his hair and feel the soft curls between my fingers, like silk. I’d been wanting to do that since I first saw him. He stilled underneath me and I pulled back, apologizing.
“It’s okay,” he said, staring up at me with a dreamy look on his face, eyes wide and wanting. “I like it.”
Had we been lovers? It was on the tip of my tongue to ask, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself or make him uncomfortable if the answer was no. I dragged my fingers through his fluffy hair, enjoying the gentle caress while he worked. This was definitely something we’d done before. And the reaction my body was having, yeah that seemed pretty standard too.
“Where are we going?” I asked as we stood. I turned slightly to adjust myself, embarrassed but not going to make it worse by bringing attention to it. I folded the map until it was a perfect square to fit in my back pocket. “What is it?” I asked because he was watching me closely.
“That’s what you used to do. You’d fold them in the exact same way and tuck them in your back pocket.”
“I’m the same person,” I said, then added, “I think. I suppose you’d know better than me.”
“Youarethe same person,” he said, smiling widely. I took it as a good sign. He seemed to like that person well enough. “And we’re going to the garden.” Grabbing my hand, he led me out of the room and through the winding corridors of the lab, which I’d only seen briefly in my transit from one hospital room to another. I had the urge to examine my new map as we navigated the underground maze, but I didn’t want to let go of Kitten’s hand. Friends held hands from time to time. That was normal bro behavior, right?
Dr. Godara met us at the exit to let us out of the medical wing with the reminder to be back in an hour. On our way through the base, Kitten introduced me to people he knew as we passed by them. They all seemed to know me, or knowofme. I suspected Kitten was the type to make a friend wherever he went. The possessive part of me wanted to hoard him for myself. An hour a day wasn’t nearly enough time with him. That would be my next demand from Godara.
When we reached the outdoors, I stopped him. It had been so long since I’d seen the sun that I simply needed to close my eyes and tilt my face toward it, basking in the warmth. I inhaled deeply of the fresh air, perfumed with the scent of flowers and soil. Summer was just around the corner; I knew it from the temperature and weight of the air, thick with humidity.
I also smelled diesel fumes, which must be from all the generators it took to run this place. I’d need to investigate that more.
“You like being outside,” Kitten said.
“Yeah,” I agreed. I felt lighter and more invigorated just being outdoors. Once I’d gotten my bearings, Kitten set off again, leading me past the concrete courtyard where new recruits were being put through their paces, beyond a grassy lawn meant for drills or perhaps team sports, through another chain-link fence and into a vast field for planting and harvesting food crops. There were also fruit trees dotting the periphery and an orchard with a bench in the shade. Very nice.
“And this is my garden,” he said, presenting it to me with a flourish. “Well, notmine.Everything here belongs to the United Forces, but I take care of it with Audrey and a few others. Oh look, a dandelion.”
He bent down to pluck the fuzzy flower from between two rows of tomatoes and brought it up between us. “Make a wish,” he said.
I want to kiss you,I thought as we each blew on the flower and watched the fluffy seed heads float away in the light breeze.
“We talk about that sometimes,” he was saying. “How each of us are like dandelion seeds, but fate blew us all together. We’ve discussed getting matching tattoos one day, but I wouldn’t know where to put mine, and I’ve heard that they hurt a lot. Even though I want to be a doctor, I’m not too crazy about needles myself, not to mention we’d have to find a tattoo artist or try and do it ourselves…”
He continued talking as another moment of blessed clarity struck me. This man was everything to me–my past, my present, and my future. I loved him with an intensity that made my one knee weak and my heart beat faster inside my chest. I’d do absolutely anything for him, and regardless of where we stood, it felt urgent to make my feelings known. Today. Right now, because who the fuck knew what might happen tomorrow?
“Kitten, are you mine?” I asked, touching his hair, marveling at the enormity of this revelation.
He ducked his head shyly, a charming habit of his. He licked his full lips and stared at me with his defenseless, trusting eyes. “Yes, I’m yours, Cipher. I always have been, from the moment we first met.”
