“Feeeeed me.”
A scream.
“Feeeeed me.”
So hard to breathe.
“Feeeeed me.Pleeeeese.”
A pinch. Head heavy, heartbeat fading, stomach rumbling, blood cooling, eyes shutting. Shutting down. So hungry.
Nothing.
TWELVE
KITTEN
We spenta restless night in the barracks, on bunk beds with twenty or so soldiers in the room. I listened to their snores and muffled moans, smelled their body odor and farts, cataloging every shift they made in the middle of the night. And the whole time I worried about Cipher. Where was he? What were they doing to him? What if he came back to find himself alone and trapped in a strange place?
What if he didn’t come back at all?
One of the soldiers spoke to us early in the morning, just as the light was coming through the skylights in the roof, but I was so lost in my thoughts that I missed what he was saying.
“Breakfast is in the mess hall at zero seven hundred hours,” Macon told me from the bunk above mine. I sat up in bed and tried to pat down my hair. I was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, my mouth was grimy, and my eyes were gritty from lack of sleep. And none of it mattered if Cipher wasn’t okay.
Macon climbed down from his bunk and offered me his hand. He pulled me to my feet, then wrapped me up in a good, hard hug.
“You’re going to make me start crying again,” I told him, wiping my eyes against his shoulder. Too late.
“I know, but you looked like you needed a hug.”
“I did need a hug. Do you think he’s okay?”
Macon took a moment to consider his words. “I think he’s probably no worse than he was with us. You did the right thing bringing him here, Kitten. We weren’t equipped to care for him. Maybe here, they are.”
I nodded glumly and followed Macon out of the barracks. After asking a soldier for directions, we headed toward the mess hall. Cautiously, I glanced around at the other people occupying the space, mostly soldiers in fatigues or higher-ranked officers in jackets with sharp creases, their lapels adorned with medals that signified their rank and accomplishments. There was something comforting about a hierarchy where everyone knew their place and who to answer to. Cipher would hate it though. It was the opposite of the way we lived our lives, where everyone had a say in things, where impassioned arguments often led to the best ideas. We practically had to force him to be King Asshole.
I tried to pay attention to what I observed in passing because Cipher would want to know these details–where the barracks were located, how many people they housed, what sort of weapons they carried, what their defensive and offensive capabilities were. As we turned corners and entered new corridors, I tried to make a mental map in my mind. Maybe I could even draw it for him.
The mess hall was a windowless warehouse structure, lit by the same skylights we’d seen in the barracks. The kitchen, though, had fluorescent lights and working electrical appliances, which meant they must have generators. A lot of them. It reminded me of the communal cafeteria in Promised Land, only the population here seemed divided between soldiers and medical workers. Each division appeared to stick with theirown–lab coats and scrubs in one area, people in uniform in the other.
Macon and I kept our heads down, not knowing whether we’d be welcome here or seen as intruders. I saw only a few people in plain clothes like us, perhaps medical workers on their day off. Breakfast was scrambled eggs and potatoes, and each of us were allowed a thick slice of crusty bread with butter and strawberry jam. I generally loved strawberries but now they left a bad taste in my mouth, and the butter–I was too sad to even taste it. I cursed my brother and myself too. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. There was nothing Cipher wouldn’t do for me. What if I failed him?
“When’s the last time you’ve eaten?” Macon asked, bringing me back to the present.
“I dunno. Yesterday morning?”
“Then you must be hungry.”
I shrugged in response. My stomach was grumbling, but I didn’t have much of an appetite.Hungry,Cipher had said to me. He hadn’t known who I was or whohewas. What if he never came back?
“You need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of Cipher,” Macon said. “He wouldn’t want you to miss meals, especially ones like these. You gotta keep up your strength now, Kitten. This might take a little while.”
I nodded, appreciating his words, even if they did nothing to soothe my worries. I picked up my fork and stabbed at the potatoes, mechanically putting them in my mouth and chewing. They were crisp and well-seasoned but even those details didn’t seem to matter.
“I promised him I wouldn’t let him become that, and I’ve already broken that promise. I shouldn’t have let him go out there alone with my brother,” I said, voicing my regret. I didn’twant to think of my brother right then or else I’d get angry all over again and thatreallywouldn’t be good for my appetite.
“It could have been any of us. Cipher was unlucky, that’s all. We’ll have our answer soon enough. Either they have something to help him or we put him out of his misery.”
