“Don’t,” he said severely. “You’ll make yourself crazy.”
“Yeah, you’re right. You’d tell me, though, if you wanted someone else?”
“I wantyou,Cipher. And I’d never go behind your back. I won’t hurt you, remember?”
“I remember,” I said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.
“Good because I can’t wait to have you inside me again.”
I nodded, feeling both tender and foolish. I didn’t want to go to work or say goodbye to him, even for a few hours. I wanted to go back to our bedroom where I could keep my eyes on him and my hands and mouth too, and never allow him to leave my side ever again.
But that would be borderline obsessive, so I dropped him off at work with a kiss and a promise to see him later, then continued on to meet Larry at the house we were repairing over on Colonial. His crew had already started working, so I joined him and a couple others on the rooftop with little fanfare. After a few hours of hammering down replacement shingles, we took a break, wiping the sweat from our brows and sipping lemonade under the shade of a nearby oak tree. I told him about Salome and Jason and the birth of their daughter, how incredible it was to be part of, even second-hand, and what an amazing job Marion and Kitten had done in helping her through the delivery.
“I’m glad you got to witness that. What a blessing. Did it make you want children of your own one day?” Larry asked.
If anything it made me more resolute in my decisionnotto have children.
“Definitely not. But it got me thinking about what you said, how important it is to build things and not just tear them down.”
Larry nodded. “Soldiering is important too, Cipher. Warriors protect the civilians so that they may live in peace and harmony while the world outside is raging. Our guards are the buffer between what’s in here and what’s out there.”
I assumed he meant outside the gates–Rabid Country–or maybe he meant the world at large. Isn’t that what I’d been trying to do for Kitten and the others, protect them from the many horrors that might come our way?
“I’ve enjoyed our time together,” Larry went on to say. “You’re an excellent carpenter, and I’d be happy to keep you on as my apprentice, but the truth is, Cipher, I need more soldiers, ones who I can trust.”
“You think you can trust me?” I said, somewhat surprised by it, especially considering the man-sized holes I’d made in his fine fences.
“I trust you to do the right thing and to keep your cool under pressure. I happen to have an opening for an additional guard, now that the Council has approved your plan to catch the tiger.”
It took me a moment to remember that there was a plan. It had been weeks since we’d last discussed it. “Live bait?” I asked.
Larry nodded soberly. “I need sharp eyes to keep watch and a sure hand to take the shot. I happen to know you have both.”
“I’m a bit out of practice, and I haven’t been as steady lately.” I showed him my hands. Normally still as a surgeon’s, they now held a slight tremor, the first stages of withdrawal.
“I can get you something for that,” Larry said.
I scoffed. “I don’t want methadone. I’d rather quit cold turkey.”
“I can get you a prescription for painkillers, low dosage, used sparingly.”
“But why would you?” I asked, “You said nothing short of surgery would get me access to narcotics.”
“This job requires you to keep odd hours and the schedule can take its toll. It’s important to the larger community that you’re in peak condition.”
“Are you trying to sweeten the pot?” I asked. We’d been straight with each other from day one and I’d be damned if it changed now.
He shrugged. “You might see it that way. Did I mention the other perk of this position?” He eyed me closely and I waited for him to drop the other shoe. “You’d be issued a gun.”
A gun was the ultimate prize, wasn’t it? That was all I’d wanted when I’d first arrived here, but his offer had struck me at an odd moment. Here I was contemplating laying down my weapons and assimilating, and Larry was telling me to pick them up again. Because I was a soldier, a killer. That was my skill and my greatest offering to Promised Land. I’d never be a life-bringer, only a life-taker. That was what was in the cards for me, eternally.
At least I’d get some good drugs out of it.
“What are we using as bait?” I asked, deciding to delay the inevitable for now.
“There’s a runt in the latest litter of kids, a billy goat. None of the nursing nannies will feed him. We’ve been bottle feeding him for a week or so, but he’s being bullied by the herd. We’ll tie him up outside the fence after nightfall and see what comes sniffing around.”
I nodded because it was a solid plan.Myplan. Kitten would hate it.
